WHAT THIS BOOK IS NOT!
TEXTUAL EXCERPTS II
Divinization and Deification, The Jesus Prayer and Hesychasm, Becoming a son of God, Spiritual Marriage, {Jesus, sex and the contemplative,} God in conjugal sex, 2 sensual experiences with God-
THE LORD THE GIVER OF LIFE!
God is no prude, sexual arousal and religious ecstacy, profound poems, valuing spousehood to Jesus, the male in union with Jesus as spouse, -NORMAL-NOT DEVIANT
The difference between divinization and deification, the correct usage of the terms, an expansion on the gift of sonship (from God the Father through the Son in the Lord the Holy Spirit.
The Lord the Holy Spirit causes conception, the utter Otherness of the soul in union with Jesus--almost totally if not completely non-sexual---
It is a transgression to have sexual feelings towards Jesus and yet he permits it if it is being controlled to the largest degree, and it is often the case that the outpouring of love into the heart of the penitent {for we are all penitents} can trigger an involuntary sexual response
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SOME REASONS FOR WRITING THIS BOOK
![[I]](iclr.gif "Textual Excerpts I from \"The Divine Light and Energies\" by Robert Lind Defries")
![[II]](iiclr.gif "Textual Excerpts II from \"The Divine Light and Energies\" by Robert Lind Defries")
![[III]](iiiclr.gif "Textual Excerpts III from \"The Divine Light and Energies\" by Robert Lind Defries")
![[IV]](ivclr.gif "Textual Excerpts IV from \"The Divine Light and Energies\" by Robert Lind Defries")
![[V]](vclr.gif "Textual Excerpts V from \"The Divine Light and Energies\" by Robert Lind Defries")
It is perhaps wise to define theosis or divinization and theopoiesis or deification and to distinguish between them. Theosis or divinization is the correct word to use when describing the "omnipotent and sanctifying Divine and Triadic activity, which because of the indwelling of the Trinity and Grace, and because of the inborn and natural aspects of the creature for transfiguration, induces a process of assimilation to God the Father of the whole human person, of mankind and of the visible and invisible universe in its totality, through the mediation of the incarnate Logos, Christ the Pantocrator, and in the Holy Spirit. (Quoted from Studies in Eastern Christianity, Vol 1 by Rev. P.B.T. Bilaniuk, [the Ukrainian Free University - Series Monograph #25, Munich - Toronto, 1977] p. 46). In Theosis, or divinization one becomes Christified, becomes like Christ. One is temporal or at best sempiternal (perpetual, everlasting or strictly speaking, having one's beginning in time and an eternal end. Only God the Most Blessed Trinity comes from eternity and goes to eternity. We come from time alone, -- conceived in the mind of God in eternity --- born in time). It is a conditional state. One is not eternal. One does not have this "ousia", or substance, of God: Father, Son or Holy Spirit. One is not a fourth member of the most Holy Trinity. Even the Blessed Virgin Mary hasn't got these attributes.
The attributes of theopoiesis or deification (although this name is entirely, wrongly applied to theosis or divinization) are amongst others; that one becomes big "G" God, one is eternal and one is of the same substance as God. This is impossible for man, except in the single occurrence of the deification of the human nature in Christ's person, the only occurrence in history. This was done by and is due to the relationship of Jesus' humanity to His Divinity in the hypostatic union. So, as my professor and spiritual director the Rev. Petro B.T. Bilaniuk has taught me, (and the ideas in the preceding couple of pages are my version of his) it is wise not to speak of deified, or the deification of, human beings.
The Jesus prayer involves repetitively saying to oneself and to God what some people call a "mantra". This "mantra" is a Christian prayer. The purpose of saying the "mantra" is to shut down the processes of thinking and imagining. This allows one to achieve a state where one is at peace in the Presence of God, free to receive or experience true Reality as it were, whatever God may bring to him or her.
The saying of the mantra does not make one mindless: one remains aware, even more so than before, of the changes taking place in and around one and even in eternity, in the mind of God as we experience Him.
One surrenders control of one's body and mind to the Most Holy Trinity by staying absolutely still and saying the mantra which, in turn, stills the mind.
In this stillness, we encounter Jesus and the Spirit of God. We come into union with the Lord, in a sharing of His Divinity, as effusions of Spiritual Light are experienced interiorly or exteriorly. And we "become" that Light. We "share" Jesus' Divinity with Him.
The degree of Holiness arrived at by the great mystics, saints and visionaries can be achieved by the practical step of saying the "mantra" in a humble way, from the beginning to the end of your prayer each day, regardless of what God gives you.
The mantra, which I use and which is mentioned in one form in the gospels, is "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of (the living) God, have mercy on me a sinner". It can be said in a variety of postures with a variety of breathing techniques. It is said repeatedly and is quite safe in normal use. It can be said with one's eyes open or closed. This, very briefly, is the Jesus prayer. Through this prayer one puts oneself in the Presence of the Most Holy Trinity. Jesus will come in the Spirit of God to the praying person and, in time, will establish a relationship with him/her, will bathe him/her, and will illuminate the person's mind by, with, and in, His Divine Light and Energies. (In the Orthodox Churches, this is considered to be done by part of the Energies of God and not by the Essence, which remains forever above and beyond our experience.) The scripture passage that most clearly demonstrates that the apostles could see the Divine Light with their eyes is the account of Jesus' transfiguration on Mt. Tabor (see Matt 17: 1 - 8, Mark 9: 2 - 8, Luke 9: 28 - 36).
There are at least 262 separate occurrences of the word light in the Holy King James Bible. Of these, 130 possibly, may refer to light other than the Light of the Most Holy Trinity. There are therefore at least 130 separate verses using the word Light, as it is related directly to the Most Holy Trinity. In addition there are very many uses of "enlighten, enlightened, lighten, alight, lightest, lighteth, lighting and lights." (See Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible).
As is mentioned elsewhere in my book, Archbishop Basil Krivoshein is quoted as saying several times that some people can see the Divine Light and Energies with their eyes illuminated by the power of the Holy Spirit. [See "Saint".]
He substantially agrees with St. Gregory Palamas, who is the architect of the modern Orthodox theory and theology of the Divine Light and Energies. This theory explains the relationship between the Divine Light and Energies and the individual and how the individual is divinized.
However, it will be noted that the usual mode of awareness of the Divine Light and Energies is interior, while the eyes of the praying person are lightly closed. This is how most people praying the mantra experience them. But a few see it with their eyes open. St. Symeon the New Theologian had the ability on occasion to see the Divine Light with open eyes. I am pleased to say this is my USUAL mode. When I asked my spiritual director Father P.B.T. Bilaniuk, what to think of this Grace, he said "It is a very, very, great Grace". When I also said that: "one can't earn it or deserve it", he agreed. So, there should be no room for pride.
God will carry on a personal relationship with anyone who approaches Him wholeheartedly. Each person has a unique relationship with God. He never appears to us exactly the same way twice, or to two different people in precisely the same way.
If you have decided to read this book to share in my experiences of the nature and mind of God, I trust you will not be disappointed. If you are happy with the revelations and experiences given to me, then I hope you will, with courage and faith, proceed to establish and make sure of your own relationship with Jesus and the other members of the most Holy Trinity. In a similar way if you choose to be a doubter or a scoffer, I would urge you to investigate more fully, the tradition that underlies this form of spirituality. A tradition, that is rooted in the life of Christ, the testimony of Paul and the other writers of the New Testament epistles, it forms a substantial basis of the writings of most of the Fathers of the Church and continues through the centuries. At the present time, it is the foundation of the Orthodox experience of God and it is increasingly followed by larger and larger numbers of Roman Catholics.
[I prayed the Jesus prayer in my tiny bedroom in my apartment. The Lord Jesus was the one to whom I addressed myself. I began to get clear distinct impressions of Light which contained ineffably, the word "son". Now, this was directed as a designation for myself. So I became aware after many showings that I was being called "son". I thought for a brief instant that I was being called "THE Son of God", but I got rid of that thought in a hurry. I then realized that I was being called "A son of God". For some reason, (a personal problem I think), I didn't usually think of asking who was sending this designation. I tended to think that it was the Son calling me "son". But even recently the Lord God has told me that it was the Father, the Lord God Almighty, co-eternal with the Son and the Spirit, that called me son, through His Own Begotten Son, and I am a son of God and I have found my true Father --- God]. [I think that by a rough estimate I have been called "son" at least two or three thousand times by the members of the Most Holy Trinity up until now, July 24, 1992. Almost all these incidences of appelation were initiated by the Most Holy Trinity - virtually none by me].
I have undergone a series of espousals to Jesus. They included renouncing divorce irrevocably by me and irrevocably by any other creature. Jesus promised His love to me. I accepted it, eternally. I offered to espouse myself to Him eternally. We were betrothed. I then spontaneously said "be it done unto me eternally as You will". Then I said "I do" and "I will". My mouth was radiated with loving energy and power for 30 seconds. I think that it is the kiss of the mouth that St. Bernard and Ruysbroeck (I think) speak of from the Song of Solomon.
At this time, I would like to confess the following: That I have undergone a great period of struggle in which I debated whether to insert in the text certain references of a sensual nature at this time, March 14th 1992, which might prove offensive to some and which could jeopardize the success of these passages on the Spiritual Marriage and indeed the whole book. I am totally convinced that the experiences are real, valid and valuable as a contribution to mystical theology and that theology today is moving toward a holistic interpretation of man, which naturally must include man in his totality, including his, and I might add her, sexuality.
Let it never be said that what happened sensually between myself and Jesus or the Holy Spirit came about or was initiated by the will of man (my will) or the will of the flesh. It was the will of God, the Son or the Lord, the Holy Spirit that overcame me, and ravished me in a way no flesh could ever do. So please let us realize that theology is broadening its outlooks and that the views of the past are, in the light of reality, somewhat obsolete because they contain a seriously unbalanced bias based on a repressive view of what may now be thought of as more normative. I don't want to rewrite the moral theology textbooks, but I do want to state that what has happened to me may be normative. I am aware that this interpretation of some highly unusual occurrences, ie. Spiritual Marriage with obvious sexual undertones, could cause some problems in marketing the potential book as this has not been written about explicitly very often. Nevertheless, the mystics often talk about their experiences in sexual or pseudo-sexual terms. Indeed, let us examine the foundations of the soul's intimate relationship with God, as portrayed in the bible. Can anyone deny the acceptance of the Song of Songs, ascribed to King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived according to the bible, as the archetypal relationship of the soul with Jesus Christ, or Yahweh, (if one is Jewish)? Surely, the language used in this classic is much more provocative, sensuous, and explicit, than what I shall shortly reveal. So I am operating in a tradition, established in nothing less than the bible. In addition, this tradition is carried on in modified form, by ostensibly the greatest monk who ever lived in the western church, namely St. Bernard of Clairvaux in his Song of Songs, and by the greatest mystic of the western church, St. John of the Cross.
St. John of the Cross carries out his description of the relationship of the spiritual person, or Christian mystic, with the Person of Jesus Christ, in terms which though similar to Solomon, perhaps exceed even him in graphic detail, rich sensuality, and explicitness. So, there is a good basis in Christian literature for sensuality and erotic portrayal. The common threads between my portrayal of an erotic encounter with God, and that of the above mentioned gentlemen, is that they were all one - on - one relationships of God to the subject; they were all highly erotic; they were all conducted in a mystic mode by God, with a mystic; and the person writing the work, (and the soul portrayed in the work, being the same person), were all men in the cases just described.
In todays climate, I go a bit further. I see the objections of the past as somewhat repressive. Perhaps, I am more to be pitied than blamed. Maybe, I am being foolhardy. If these next few pages are too much of a scandal to you, may I suggest that you ignore these pages on the what must be conservatively estimated to be the voluptuous, sexual life of this mystic with God and opt for the rest of the abundantly convincing material preceding and following these passages. I claimed to be almost totally or scrupulously honest in this book. This addition that you are reading now means that I have moved a lot closer to that goal. As far as I know, this removes the only significant impediment that remained to keeping that promise. I hope I haven't disappointed you. MY APOLOGIES!!! P.S. I hardly sin at all during these experiences.
The following additions to the text were made several years later than the actual experiences or their recording. They were very clear in my mind, but it is plain to me that they occurred on very different days from the Spiritual Marriage, although perhaps around the same time. Thus, the experiences here described, while appearing to be one or two individual occurrences, may in fact be a composite of a number of more isolated incidences of God's, especially Jesus' and the Holy Spirit's, power and love, as the state of my memory dictates. Here is one such episode.
Now in case you are thinking that this is a story about a psychiatric hallucination, please be informed that I am a manic-depressive and that we don't suffer from hallucinations. Also, it has been the consistent opinion of my spiritual directors that I have valid religious visions and that my spiritual directors have FIVE MASTERS DEGREES AND SIX DOCTORATES BETWEEN THEM.
While I was kneeling in the cathedral half - way down the right side aisle, Jesus was with me invisibly. I felt such a sense of elation, mind elevation and a lifting up to the very heights of my spirit and to the very roof of my head. I was ecstatic and as the Spirit swallowed me up, streaming visually and tangibly past me and into me, from the length of the church, I felt such a love pouring out of my heart, warm and red with emotional, spiritual desire for my God - man lover.
As the Spirit also touched me sexually, my whole person and being was totally involved, totally geared for action, poised to respond to the Spirit, Jesus - God sent to me. My whole being responded as to the attraction of a most pure virgin girl. It was involuntary. The Holy Spirit was the stimulus. I never saw Jesus, but emotionally I felt as wanton as a young shepherd girl. [ It was very sexual, but not gender-specific--very general and sort of a non-directed sexuality.] I don't think I moved more than once or twice. I was responding to the enticements of the Seducing Spirit. I could feel the Holy Spirit radiating around me in a very sensual way arousing waves of passion. He very, very much electrified me. The Spirit was very, very erotic and provocative -- an instigator, an initiator, a strong force and an agent provocateur with a complete knowledge of me. He was in total control of His subject. It was overwhelmingly erotic, but not at all lustful. It was utterly pure and innocent, being refined by the Spirit. The proof of my virtue is that I remained utterly passive and non-intrusive in intent and action throughout the entire series of these visitations, when God was with me in an erotic way. I was very restrained.
But Jesus or the Holy Spirit was not covert in His action - He was very clean and pure and overt. There was no sign of evil, just the Lord, the Holy Spirit putting on such a display of Light and Energy as I have seldom seen. There was no consummation or activity in response by me. Frankly, I was as surprised and puzzled as excited by it. There was this very willful, deliberate ravishing of my body by the most Holy Spirit. What He was trying to do, I do not know. Perhaps, He was purifying me of my sins. I was feeling very much like the Lord Jesus. Perhaps as the Holy Spirit puts it now, it was meant to accentuate my habitual state of impurity at the time. I am sure it was not the evil one. My sins are like scarlet from the distant past, even though I go to weekly confession. The temporal penalty for sin goes on to purgatory and there are some stains from sin that cling and permeate the body. They require a physical\spiritual cleansing that goes deeper than the skin. I suspect that this is what was going on with the Holy Spirit.
The excitement was incidental and a by-product of the cleansing, but it certainly got my attention. [N.B. January 1994. The matter has been further clarified for me by the Lord the Holy Spirit, Himself. He told me 10 minutes ago that what He was doing at the time of these sensual encounters was to radiate me with sensual Energy to show me in the most dramatic and powerful way that I did NOT belong to the women of the world but that, that part of myself along with my whole being belonged to HIM. I grasped very thoroughly at the time that my sexuality was intimately related to God. I was being told that from the point of view of the purity of God (Spirit or Son) that I must leave these women ALONE. I had to stop seeking after women for psycho - sexual or sexual, titillation or satisfaction. I had to turn my whole self completely around to face God. Thus he both purified me and prepared me for a life of greater perfection and led me, the all to willing victim, perhaps even to make an error in judgement and misinterpret for a time the real meaning and significance of the Lord's actions. But He certainly was effective.
By the way, I have not touched a woman sexually since 1973, and I am not bisexual or homosexual in orientation although I once had an 8 second encounter, with a confirmed homosexual, that so turned me off that I think I am going to be sick to my stomach, every time I think of it.] The versions recorded here are what I recorded in the memory of the heat of the moment. These two occasions of sin with the Holy Spirit, IF IN FACT THEY ARE SIN, were written in mid-March, 1992 as they appeared in my memory at that time; and the interpretation, immediately above what you are reading at this minute, was added as an afterthought some two weeks later. This is very humiliating to write about but it is real, true, honest and an important part of the whole story. It is my understanding that many contemplatives use the language of human love to express their relationship with the Divine. This is because the two have so much in common. The experiences and language are so alike that the contemplative can find no other words to express his or her ardour than the language of lover and beloved. What I have expressed here is an account of my encounter with my God in the most graphic terms, that I dare to express. It was a total experience--it was very, very sensual.
But the Spiritual Marriage, a separate experience, was a Marriage first of all and the mode was sensual secondarily. To say that it was sexual first is to deny the major importance of the Marriage as a Mystical Marriage. I hope God will forgive me for the slipshod way I have presented this material. I beg your forgiveness, oh Mighty One, Lord Jesus.[The spiritual Marriage was a reciprocal, relationship with Jesus and I communicating responsively, while the passage outlined above was one in which I was almost totally passive. I was totally unable to know what to do in this latter situation or experience. I was unable to move.]
On the second occasion, either before or after the marriage "ceremony," I was rapaciously assaulted by God (Jesus, if I remember correctly) in the sweet slaying onslaught of the Spirit. I was transfixed by overwhelming waves of Light and electric-flowing Energy that set my nerves on fire, set the hair on my arms on end and poised me for action. There is no doubt that the Spirit ravished me, took me by storm and had a definite, deliberate, sexual intent and content. Can God act sensually or sexually? I guess so!! I KNOW SO!!.
[But god is not sexual Himself.] When a young legitimately married couple become aroused, does the Holy Spirit take part? I would proclaim that yes, He does take part as He is the Lord, the Giver of Life and where else would our babies come from. I experience a great number of influences as do all males, that could only come from the action of Grace. God is alive and influencing us, well. . . sexually. The normal mode He acts in is, and I expect I will raise an uproar, one of chastity even in marriage. Think about it. It would cut down on some of the suffering due to sexual dependancy, co - dependancy and sexual selfishness. I know a number of married couples who have voluntarily opted for a chaste and essentially celibate relationship, quite happily.
I had a very typical, somewhat promiscuous, somewhat immoral, sex life with young ladies, when I was a young man. I became a voluntary celibate eighteen years ago in 1973. This was largely due to my wanting to stop sinning and because of an unhappy love affair. You can't have sex outside marriage, Jesus says. I am celibate. I can't have sex with myself or with myself with God. But if God comes to me on a sexual level, God can arouse me and do whatever He wants. That is, whatever God wants. I am not involved. I virtually never fall into temptation, when God turns me on. Virtually, never! But I wonder if I am missing some fun that God would like to share with me (never trust that word, "fun"). However, I know the teaching of the Church and the Church is the great purveyor of all good things that are of eternal value; sacraments, scripture, mystical theology, etc., so I cleave to the Church in my understanding of God. If the Church says, "don't touch" I do my best not to touch. And the Church does say, "don't touch". However, like you I can occassionally be tempted.
So, don't think that a licentious sex life with or without a partner is a means to reaching God. In a marriage, maybe partially, but otherwise - no. I had to wait many years after my last girlfriend until Jesus came to realize His Marriage to me. And the Marriage was never consummated EVER in ANY physical consummation. I'm being blunt, so as not to mislead anyone. [The Marriage was a pure, ethereal experience of joy and spiritual ecstasy with a conversion and transformation of myself interiorly, according to my vows and the transforming power of JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT.]
It was a profound moment of excitement. But, oh, the magnitude of the honour perhaps, of (being stimulated) by God and definitely of being Married to God, the Son. I suspect it is a once in a lifetime experience. There are many honours, but only one marriage in a lifetime. I know how much a girl values her marriage to her husband. It is hard work; it is hard to be faithful. It is hard to be faithful in every detail to Jesus, too, but He is always faithful, so that makes it easier. But one can't be a foolish virgin. One must love Him constantly. [ However, all the attention was a bit overpowering to say the least!!!] So, I am bound in Marriage to Jesus forever,YYIPPEEE!!!
Let us remind ourselves that God is everywhere and His Graces can affect us anywhere and everywhere physically, especially in our bodies. God is no Prude! He can see our bodies both through us, from inside our clothes and from the inside our bodies, out!!! The point in this is that God's Graces can touch us sexually anytime He wants! And I can assure you that if it was not for the action of these Graces, we would be very dangerous to ourself and others. It is one of the functions of God's Graces to mitigate the force of our passions with His own supernatural, Divine love, nurturing, caring, and preserving us in our distress and weakness.
Now, I suspect that God does a lot of other things to our sexual self with His Graces. I say this because not all the sexual things we experience consciously or sub-consciously, can be accounted for by our biology or psychology (or, in short, ourselves). Neither can they all be accounted for by the action (or stimuli) of others. Finally, while the devil may be a factor in some temptation, I believe that he is greatly overrated in this unsavoury department. God is a principal actor in the whole terrible story which we could call "OUR SEX SINS." [But He is absolutely arraigned against sin. He is pro-chastity and the good of us all. He is completely alien to sin as the Church defines it. He is THE GOOD OF THE WORLD. He cannot countenance sin, but He will never ever turn His back on the sinner, and that's all of us.] He\she who masters him \ herself in this area is blessed indeed. [But the Lord, the Holy Spirit can influence us sexually, physically or psychologically.]
Julian of Norwich, in Revelations of Divine Love, writes:
"For by nature, our will wants God and the good will of God wants us. We shall never cease wanting and longing until we possess Him in fullness and joy".
In another place she writes: "And when our soul was breathed into our body and our senses began to work, at once mercy and Grace began to work, too, in pity and love caring for us and preserving us. In this work the Holy Spirit forms in our faith the hope that we shall come again to our substance who is above, to the virtue of Christ, developed and perfected through the Holy Spirit. In this way I understood that sensuality is founded in nature in mercy and in Grace and such a foundation enables us to accept gifts that lead to eternal life".
The following four quotation areas are from an audio cassette entitled, Contemplation, Women and Sexuality by Rosemary Haughton. She says that:
Julian thinks that "everything made is good"; for Julian "the soul is made sensual" ......"but in the same point that our soul is made sensual, in the same point is the City of God established from without beginning." ".....Christ's passion exists to heal the division of soul and body."......."soul and substance can be oned - (oneing)."
"The links between sexual arousal and religious ecstacy are well recognized."
"John Donne wrote.....'I cannot be chaste unless you ravish me.'"
"Religious, aesthetic or sexual ecstacy are all experiences of sensuality, in which the body and Spirit respond together to forces the mind can only symbolize."
The interior of the Russian Orthodox Monastery Church of the Holy Trinity (162k JPG)
Having looked at these quotes, I must say that the tendency still exists in our lives for a duality of our sexual and spiritual natures - separate and opposed in the same manner, as matter and spirit are sometimes opposed. In fact, apparently science is proving that matter and spirit are not incompatible, but are, in fact, perhaps even composed of the same "stuff". Take, for instance, even the very old statement that "everything is Grace" (or gift, if you like), including moral sexuality. For me, the essential part of sensuality is faithfulness to one's partner, uncompromising faithfulness, but God has liberties and reasons we know not of.
We will now look at the relationship of the male praying person to the God-man lover, Jesus Christ in the mystical Spiritual Marriage, with the aim of validating and endorsing such a relationship. The problems involved in marrying a him to a Him may seem insurmountable, but they are not. Read on.
St. John of the Cross writes of the spiritual espousal in The Spiritual Canticle, as he does of the spiritual marriage. He speaks of the soul as being the Bride of Christ and calls it "her". Now, he writes all this as a man writing from personal experience, a "him" calling himself a "her", not as coming from the mouth of a nun he is giving direction to. The reason that the soul is feminine is for the very reason that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are masculine. So a man should not be accused of a perverse relationship, if he has a spiritual marriage with Jesus. IT IS SPIRITUAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, SENSUAL AND INTELLECTUAL UNION. It is strongly emotional too.
Evelyn Underhill writes that those who think that "the Spiritual Marriage of St. Catherine or St. Teresa veils a perverted sexuality ... do but advertise their ignorance of the mechanism of the arts:" (P. 80, Mysticism by Evelyn Underhill.) Ms. Underhill spends considerable time on P. 139-140 of Mysticism, describing the intimate detailed account by Richard of St. Victor of the 4 stages of union with the absolute. He describes his steps as the "betrothal, the marriage, the wedlock and the fruitfulness of the soul." Now, he is speaking of his experience, as well as laying down a pattern for others to follow and study. These betrothals and marriages are above all a surrender and Jesus gives all to you; indeed, He is all and becomes you, or more correctly, He makes you into Himself. He gives you all of Heaven and everything in it, His entire Self, His Father, Mother and Holy Spirit. The soul, she surrenders quietly all her self: all the good and evil, the faults, the entire physical body and all its parts, all relationships, cares, attitudes, memories, loves, hates, fears, and her entire history in time and eternity or anywhere else, etc. We are seeing that a man can marry Jesus Christ. It is as normative in the mystical life as women doing the same thing, although some men find it distasteful. But it is in no way perverted. Don't forget it is one of the supreme gifts of God. God initiates it with even the most masculine of men. [ One cannot consummate a physical relationship with God, Jesus or the Lord, the Holy Spirit. The goal is to be spiritual, not carnal. Nevertheless, some experiences of God are both sensual and spiritual].
Plotinus and Henry Suso are two contemplatives separated by centuries whom Evelyn Underhill says have similar elements in their understanding of Spiritual Marriage. On P. 415 of Mysticism she says: "The Mystic for whom intimate and personal communion has been true, made under which he (masculine) best apprehended reality, speaks of the consummation of this communion, its perfect and permanent form, as the Spiritual Marriage of his (masculine) soul with God." [ The brackets and contents are mine.] It includes men. It designates men (but not exclusively of course).
[There may be a sexual element in the form of a temptation, to be attracted to the Spirit of God or Jesus, but the less sexual the more spiritual. God is very powerful. It is easy to become attracted to the Lord, the Holy Spirit. And it is easy to become attracted to Jesus in the Holy Spirit. I say this based on the writings of some of the great mystics and from personal experience. The prevailing wisdom throughout history is that these sexual experiences are entirely suspect. I ABSOLUTELY DON'T AGREE. They are not suspect. The Holy Spirit is the active partner. The human subject should be passive primarily because he \ she has to be passive to avoid sin.
To be sure there is room for abuse, but I'll bet that these episodes are just another case of God stressing to His lover that THIS IS SEX AND GOD MADE IT GOOD [IN MARRIAGE]. God initiates it. It is on His agenda. One takes humbly and thankfully that which God offers. Naturally, the only legitimate forum for human sexuality is marriage. I am in no way trying to undermine that rock-solid, principle. But there is a larger truth here. God sees fit to offer Himself in so sublime a union with myself that it must include a dedication of His Spirit to myself in all ways, so that no part of myself may remain unclaimed or unredeemed.
After the marriage event, I ceased to take seriously the allurements of the various girls or women who inhabit my world. I have become progressively less and less interested in them as God - Jesus and the Most Blessed and Blessing Trinity have all but taken over my will and conscious thoughts. Jesus is more important to me, based on volume of thought, than any creature (person) by a ratio of about 20 / 1. The content about Him is more important in the ratio of infinity to a grain of sand in magnitude. I defy you to criticize these things validly. The mystics quoted on the next page or two may seem to be prudes, but the Spirit's Presence and power is compelling.. BUT first....
It is a matter of how purified we have become. The Spirit gives Life, the flesh is of no avail. This wisdom applies as true because the flesh as we know it is carnal, subject to the passions and temporal--earth ---bound in other words; while the Spirit feeds the soul with treasures unheard of on earth and a wisdom that is so sublime, so Heavenly, so beautiful, so adorable in origin that men, if they knew the secret of the key to God's Heart, they would abandon all trade and commerce, all lovemaking, all entertainment, all earthly wisdom and Rush to the Source of all Grace, of all things, of all creatures. So this carnal pursuit of men is of relatively little eternal value.
But what I have presented to you as a sexual encounter with God is a sign that God can act physically with His Spirit, independantly according to His mind; and that He sometimes presents His Love to man in terms that incidently most appeal to man and that he can best recognize and understand (IE) water, wine, bread, oil, Grace and Spirit, Light and darkness. In my experience, He ALWAYS appears to us sensually, IE. we sense Him in some way. One of these ways is sexually. Sexuality is perhaps one of the most totally sensual experiences. The only way we can experience God that is not experiential or sensual is in thought, which is not directly derived from the environment IE. imagination or intellect. But even these obey God's laws and have their roots in God. They can be influenced interiorly by God. There is a sixth sense.
Evelyn Underhill also says further along in MYSTICISM, that "the 'language of deification` and of 'Spiritual Marriage` then, is temperamental language: and is related to subjective experience rather than to objective fact. It describes on the one hand the mystics astonished recognition of a profound change effected (in the change of) (masculine) his salt, sulphur and mercury into Spiritual Gold - on the other, the rapturous consummation of his (masculine) love." [My brackets, contents and underlining.R.D.]
Can you see that, and it is I, Rob Defries that speaks, sexual imagery is equally hard for a literal reading, to deal with involving a woman or a man. The language is problematic, but the ring ceremony at St. Michael's Cathedral is perhaps more problematic. Jesus has a Spiritual Body - He couldn't have sexual relations if He wanted to (because, also possibly, perhaps, he couldn't want to). There are inevitably always Graces from Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit that influence us genitally and affect us. So have mercy on the poor contemplatives who are married to Jesus. They aren't perverted, sick, or weird. They are pure, true and holy. They need your support.
All divisions of the Divine Light and Divine Energies are a partial view of the beatific vision. St Paul says "for now we see in a mirror (or glass) dimly but then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; there I shall understand fully, even as I have been understood." First Cor. 13:12.
[DOUBTS] I think now that I don't have union with Christ, although I ask very often for it. I have at times the view of Light in my body [with my eyes from outside my body] and God the Most Blessed Trinity dwells in me. But most of the time, the Light is outside myself. It touches me and enters me as Light and Grace. I don't know if it is the Most Blessed Father, Son or Holy Spirit, but it is God. But the Light goes, union is not there [ as of Nov.'90 the Light is available from any source in amounts ranging from 5% to 60% of previous displays - 70% of the time - but not so readily and not so brilliantly and it takes more work usually to prove to God that I am serious.]
March 16, l987
I experience snakes and spiders, bats, frogs, etc. the very odd time in my visions, just before sleep - eyes closed or shut, terrible faces and a lot of shadows, plus fire in the background [The term hypnagogic hallucinations could be used here. They are in my imagination - ie. not visionary.]
But why are they usually appearing evil?
What is the origin of the content?
Why are they usually feeling evil?
Is it I that is so depraved, evil and depressed or is it due to the presence of the evil one etc. etc ?
Should I pray with my eyes closed or is it alright to keep them opened, if they are not focused or active.
[From the beginning of practicing the saying of a "mantra" I felt more comfortable with my eyes wide open. I would say the mantra seated in a comfortable sitting position. I remind you that the mantra I use is the oldest one commonly in use: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner"].
Breathing often adjusts itself to the saying of the mantra. I focus my eyes on a blank piece of wall or on some imaginary point in the air and repeat the mantra slowly. I try to avoid being conscious of the mantra, but to keep my mind from wandering or thinking I return, again and again to the mantra. While praying, I never stop saying the mantra, except for specific prayer.
Conceived, deceived, relieved of life
hairless, tiny form
swarming, growing, filling
daring to think
adult's ostentatious heads of nothing
conditioned to deception
filled with lies past received
illusion and future prevarication
children's self and entity
crying in the wind
contradicting, fighting, bleeding,
burning, tearing and still needing
child in never ending storm
dying seconds whence it's born
temporal being here then gone
dared conceive where he'd belong
that all could be comprehended
that some power all things headed
none have save
wrong kind
insecurity, my coward's way out
lines of life in forces wrought
people in the forces caught
forced in ways acceptable
ugly groups of naked flesh
trapped and fitted in the mesh
soul of nought and reaching higher
to destroy all life forever
what right
what licence
wherefore made greater
some in madness locked away
others god - like make their way
animals but nothing better
mutant by a freak of nature
better suited to destruction
tens of millions in one action
hopeless crying weeping wailing
none to hear and none to care
tearing, stabbing, still assailing
on his back a cross to bear.
Why the worry why the writing
until the daylight does the blocking
happiness deceives them all
where they go?
. . . . . .can they see or are they blind
strength in nothing is their kind
of show
independent proved by bearing
scars of battle on their skin
in their bones and making parts
grafted to th'eternal strain.
comes from ages goes in minutes
dares to think that life it holds
feels the struggle then enjoys it
sees destruction then enjoys it
feeling worry then enjoys it
talking thinking still enjoys it
finally runs itself upon it
sword of death a world to pierce
dust to dust, matter to matter
energy converts the latter
no one cares and no one watches
lonely man himself debauches
cast aside the caring statues
cast aside the loving phantoms
real in fantasy rejected
by the rationale inspected
sees some order in chaos
tries to find it everywhere
cannot comprehend the whole thing
cynic writes the truth too bare
wrong is right no one beside him
right is wrong himself belies him
as he waits for sound to bring
order where there is confusion
fusion or this other thing.
A wise man flowing naked through the world
Spun magic words to paint ...
* * *
Through the I of everyone
. . . . . . . . . . .An anarchy prevails
But, through the eye that's touched by God
The temple world unveils
* * *
And my evenings fly like pages in the wind
Golden glorious sun cycle, strobe driven mad by time
Touch a tree's rough bark and feel the Way
Losing myself in endless mad sweet rhyme
The sun my mirrored winged mover light
The moon my dark invisible soft tide
The world my brother torn from me at birth
And you young moon god move my Son inside
So soft the silence followed that I could not move to speak
He turned and left upon the tree
In the stream of sunlight an object small
But clear to see
A beetle, rosebug, all in splendour, filled with sense to be
Slowly crawling up a branch to reach and touch the sun
Holds an instant's picture where my memory still runs
Explodes my mind in wings of golden and silver red silk spun
A movement
infinite of flight
To
The world beyond all worlds
Emerald days gone now for the rose-beetle man.
We are children of light and darkness
each trying to overcome the other
like light and shadows fighting
the battle across the ceiling late at night.
Could Jesus' friends and the satanic foe
Russia and the U.S.A. not see that
their dance need not be to the death?
Or do I quail before a sham enemy --- death.
Jesus, Light and Saviour dear
Shining with Light so pure so clear
Banish shadows from my soul
Radiance heal and make me whole
Rays ineffable yet strong
Constant flowing straight along
Warm my wayward heart and call
me to you my all in all.
Holy Spirit Paraclete
Knit my soul, make me complete
Speak so soft and gentle, kind
God's true love to my dumb mind.
The Lord searches the heart for peace
and gives the sinful soul release
washes clean by portion, cup
and in his fullness gives enough.
Enough packed down and overflowing
to hearts that contrite cry all glowing
Jesus calls I hasten to reply
His gentle touch soothes my mute cry
A Presence soft and gentle, strong
frees me from fear, anxiety and wrong.
The spectre face of bones and gaunt dead skin
Has left the window returning God knows when
The chancel vacant, life vacates the flock
And his lay minister death begins to knock
The final nails of lead death - belching lead
A foul broken symbol bodies breath
Breaks on the wind sounding the body's knell
The soul forgotten quivers, twixt Heaven and hell
And finally plummets deep into the flames
Nameless there all burning without names
Until the shattering trumpets peal
The Lamb of God breaks the Seventh Seal.
(On an occasion of deep sin
while I was thinking I was going
to go to hell ).
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