Once again Mr. Koster TESTIMONY OF ROLF KOSTER, STUDENT OF RELIGION, GENERIC CHRISTIAN, ENGINEER, SURVIVOR working together with ROBERT LIND DEFRIES' about the POPULAR PAGE ANIMAL or animal.htm at the address http://www.accessv.com/~theosis/animal.htm. Rolf is sometimes known as a bon vivant, a man about town and a teller of true tales, "tell it like it is and he always said "TAKE A CHANCE AND TAKE CHARGE ROB". IN MANY WAYS HE IS INSCRUTIBLE.

My intention when I had made up my mind was to suggest that this would be a brief discertation on the nature of religious controversy. When I first read the essay by Robert Lind Defries especially ANIMAL{animal.htm} I could not come up with anything to write; Later I discovered that I could not trump Robert Defries essays. Bewilderment is a natural response to these chaotic seeming “Animal” paragraphs. One might say: Who does Robert Defries think he is; he’s got a lot of nerve {as one of His old Girls said recently verbatim {non-sexual}}

In truth, Robert has climbed the steps of the academy and his achievements vis a vis the internet and web publishing that are very, very popular in the present genre of Christian Mysticism on the web ;

It could be said that he has some right to effuse although not be proud of such negative animal experiences among his spiritual gems. It is almost a complete reversal of genre for him. In truth, as well it’s people like Robert who, by means of their prayers and good works navigate the Roman Catholic's irresistable force through the stormy seas of this the Third Millenium of the Year of Our Lord, 2004.

Robert draws upon many of his theological and literary resources. Robert first became deeply interested in Christianity as long ago as l947 {age 1} to 1964 and more recently in 1973 to 2004, he was a victim of Jim Bakker’s PTL club bible study program;

He is familiar with radical reformation Christianity; and he sometimes draws upon his knowledge of evangelicalism. He became a Roman Catholic in 1978 and studied Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy at The {now} University of St. Michael’s College, Faculty of theology for 7 years part time. The value of these essays can only be determined by the test of time and popularity; Although the animal page has shown some outrageous, perhaps some would say, notorious beginnings with widespread popularity it remains an enigma.

Quite possibly Robert may foment a revolution in the writing of personal autobiographies. Robert has told me that he stills sees these animal entities {although seldom} as he says in the essay, he is in control now {occasionally!!!–snicker}. The Christian monks of East referred to the seven deadly sins;

The point I Rolf would like to make is that the six realms of being as stated by the Buddhists, are not exactly the same as the seven deadly sins of Christianity. What I’ve found to be true of these deadly sins is that I should never speak of any of them unless I have mastered them. (Sic) I have not mastered them.

Robert points out that he has mastered, drinking alcohol, cigarettes, street drugs, sex of every kind including impurity, fornication, adultery, watch that step Rob, He says he is totally celibate in every physical route of mortal sin except his incredible bulk{food}. The 7 deadly sins especially pride are more difficult. Curiously, Robert’s animals do not speak audibly; they communicate by means of telepathy {perhaps???} {for those who believe in such things.}

Robert is fully persuaded of a fact that these furry animals are demonic in origin if not in nature. One person suggested to Robert that they are humanoids. He has told me that these creatures may be sent by a purveyor of the devil to be Roberts undoing in the most extreme ways. The purvayor is a self professed relative.I suppose if there’s a lesson to learn in this and that it’s that the ladies should keep one’s clothes neatly folded and put away so that He, Robert does not see these creatures in the folds of the cloth and slip back into obsession and or “contact/psychosis.”{RLD}

This is all vestigial “practice” to minimize obsession and occasional trauma. The onslaughts of what seems like thousands of devils comes from the evil/penitent human person, not Robert, the close person who introduced the animals anyway.

They are hallucinations but, are they real in any way??? they are seamless, occupy totally all senses of the afflicted one's Body and extra-sensory faculties as well. One's spiritual life is demolished -- it appears they are not from God. They appear to be occult. So are they real??? Could they appear to be real??? WHY AND HOW ARE THEY REAL??? IN WHAT WAYS ARE THEY REAL??? WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? LEAPS IN HUMILITY IN ROBERT HAS BEEN ONE OF Robert's GREAT FRUITS. {GRAPEFRUITS???}

We are like him in these, his humanity grounds us in reality as he explores his mystical life. Robert was devastated by loss of girlfriend, hope restored through fulfilling relationship with Jesus, Robert suffers considerable mood swings {manic depression} in his relationship with Jesus. The tempter, describes growth as mystic, destined from youth to seek a spiritual liason or marriage, people play second fiddle to the divine, suffering and confusion but also some exhilarating and wonderful visions shared openly, honestly and vividly, at book's end Robert apparently in the dark night of the spirit.

Textual Excerpts I from "The Divine Light and Energies".
By Robert Lind Defries.

Textual Excerpts II from "The Divine Light and Energies"
by Robert Lind Defries

Textual Excerpts III from "The Divine Light and Energies" by Robert Lind Defries

Textual Excerpts IV from "The Divine Light and Energies". by Robert Lind Defries

1. Some reasons why I wrote this book

2. Jesus' unrequited love. He was rejected by all save a few, judge of all "men".My unrequited love of 30 years, several other women I was happy with for several years each in celibacy, no prophet is accepted in his own town{city}, Jesus told me: "unrequited love is worthy of my reward".

3. Factors in unrequited love. Unfaithful to Jesus--unfaithful in love--I said that, eunochs for Christ--a high calling, forgiving the unrequitor--be kind, act as you would in heaven.

4. The enshrinement of the loved one in one's memory. This is not idolatry, staying in reality, loving from invulnerability, guard your hearts.

5. Sharing your love for the unrequitor with Jesus. Marry only once. For this person is part of yourself, breakup means damage to you, the natural order and obviously one's spouse, but not to Jesus if he is spouse, he is impassible not impossible! :)

6. Seeing life in terms of loss, God's radical surgery sometimes hurts, the divine plan.

7. Some more reasons why I wrote this book

8. Doggy-me and master Jesus

9. Sometime:

10. Sun setting on my parents {my father died in 1989}. None of us know the father well so we can't call him Abba or father in the way that we call our father . Jesus said "call no man father" But we failed his command, call the priest "hey dad" and see where that gets you.

11. Setting my mind on loving God. The problem of mankind is that they do not love enough, "seek, knock and ask" and ye shall "find", "the door shall be opened" and "you shall receive."

12. Proverbs 8:17 The absolute wisdom of God--of the patriarchs, Moses, David, the prophets, the apostles, the fathers of the church, martyrs and saints--the key to the heart of God and heaven.

13. I have lost God. I am more and more alone, that is my cry of anguish, I fell off my horse and I can't get on again, and God isn't here to help. When will God return???

14. Pharisee that I am. I am being humbled, I endorse my humiliations, the lord says "A broken and a contrite heart i will not spurn"--the eventual death of my mother will bring that.

15. A description of my cross-- The Lord is gone away, mourning and lamenting all day, tears, restlessness, food tastes awful to me, despair each day, the dark night of the spirit--as two spiritual directors said--one reminded me, it lasted 35 years and 20 years for two famous saints.

16. But I know God loves me. He keeps his promises, he will return. a deep prayer to Jesus to come back to me, his wayward soul.

17. We are safe if we are faithful.

18. The indwelling of the Lord Jesus and the Lord the Holy Spirit which is for me sometimes visible with my physical eyes.

19. A long cry of desolation for the state of the church,of our country and the world. For sexual sin sweeping the world, for the inevitable chastisement, for our young men and women and especially myself for my sins especially past but also present, the foreign Gods, falseness, no wisdom, the wilderness of error and deceipt, you are forgotten oh my God.

20. A lament or dirge

    Textual Excerpts V from "The Divine Light and Energies".
    By Robert Lind Defries

    MY REPLY AND REFUTATION TO FRANK ROBINSON, THERAPIST AND SECULAR PSYCHOMETRIST VERSUS ROBERT LIND DEFRIES, WELL DOCUMENTED, CHRISTIAN MYSTIC, LOVER OF THE MOST HOLY TRINITY AND CLIENT.
    FRANK ROBINSON'S CRITIQUE AND VIEWS OF MY EXPERIENCES. [Frank Robinson is my psychometrist who has been my friend for 18 years now (retired 2000). I saw him one hour, once a week. He is a very kind person, generous to an excess and inevitably selflessly, other-oriented. He is genuine, quite bright and his overriding characteristics are compassion or mercy. He belongs to a small, basically Christian Church, but he does not share my church's teaching on hell and damnation.

    He feels that everyone is saved and that no one is lost because God's love and mercy are infinite (apocatastasis).

    My own insistence on Catholic teaching, the bible and the witness of the saints he accepts for me! Also, he is a syncretist. He mixes teachings of other faiths with Christianity, notably those of Hinduism and Buddhism, such as reincarnation in the latter two. These teachings are by definition, not Christian teachings.

    Also, he feels the devil is not or should not be a factor. We part company on these points, but our relationship remains warm and from my perspective, satisfyingly intimate. Frank's views. It is a complex question. The answer is not easily accounted for. Some of the phenomenon are undoubtedly auditory, visual or somatic hallucinations. {R.L.D.}Frank is not aware of them as sensible occurances because they are not in the common psychological vein but the NICENE CREED FOR the last 1,650 years has been PROCLAIMED thus

    We believe in what is seen AND UNSEEN. RLD} [Frank's views again.] For example, some influences are drawn from objective reality: ie. a turn of the head influencing an event in the environment are without any basis in reality, according to the normal mode of perceiving and thinking. [This phenomena can be easily explained as a mystical experience. It is not unusual or isolated. In the normal situation, it is bizarre. To the mystic, it is an action of the Holy Spirit. R.D. ]

    These experiences are considered to be examples of a disordered mind in the psychiatric sense. [Wrong - they are mystical. The psychiatric sense is often severely prejudiced against religion and "irrational and unexplained phenomena. [Frank's views] R.D. Laing - mental illness is a state of incongruence between the meaning worlds of self and other (people) and in this view, can be looked upon as a disturbance in communication with the cause or seat of the disturbance, lying in the inner cognitive and feeling structure of the other. There has to be order to the personality and the ability to communicate.

    R.D. Laing thinks the disturbed intra-psychic process in the so-called patient is to be accepted and may be a sane solution to an insane situation. (A non-judgmental viewpoint R.D.). There is the need to communicate and relate in common forms, gestures and meanings for the sake of daily living and inhabiting a common world. [But the mystics world is common to him or her and God's world.] In the so called mentally ill, there are also often disturbances of feeling; eg -no feeling, lability (feeling swings), pervasive and euphoric moods (mania), depression or aggressiveness.

    So (in Robert's case) there is a mixture of mental illness and a mixture of experience that is probably valid. ***It is sometimes very hard to tell when the illness is there and when the mysticism is there. [ Could that be because there is a lot of mysticism present - IE. mystery.??? --R.D.*** Medication is provided to help ease the severity of these disturbances. [Not these "disturbances" but a recognized chemical imbalance...

    I would agree that I have a chemical imbalance, but the phenomena are, and respond as, spiritual. They do not respond to medication at all because they are spiritual. When my medication is working well, then the visions are just as vivid as when there is no medication present, in fact much clearer.R.D.] However, [Frank's opinion] psychiatry and its theories are not able to compass or give directions to the total structure of the psyche or the mind. There is a grey area where events of a para-normal nature do not fit into the traditional psychiatric mould. One of the ideas is - ego syntonicity.

    Is the effect of the experiences constructive or destructive to the personality? This may be simplistic, but can be useful, for the saint or the mystic often will have experiences of this nature, and this does not make him/her any less functional in the world (or ego-syntonic). It is empirical because you can observe how well a person can function.

    [But one may be pre - occupied, absent - minded, in religious ecstasy, or oppressed by the devil. R.D.] One of the criteria, to determine whether experiences are psychiatric or paranormal ego- syntonic ones, is to be able to question the degree of truth they purport. Can one be objective about one's experiences - are they true? The possibility that it is not true is always present. Any skilled and sympathetic observation from an outside observer (spiritual or psychological) is good. [Does the observer have the same mode and tools for observing? R.D.]

    Are they able to be objective to the person's experiences? [But, can the observer see or hear everything the mystic does? Does not the observer live in a different world - the mundane world? And who is to say that the mundane world is more valid than the mystical world? What are your criteria for judging? Are the scales weighted more in favour of the mundane world? The problem is that you just don't understand because you haven't experienced God directly.

    Believe me, you would be an instant convert if you did. And is it sickness or is it God? Well. If we can agree that God exists, then WHERE IS HE ? DOES HE HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH EARTH - EVER ? DOES GOD VISIT OR INFLUENCE THE EARTH ? DOES HE INFLUENCE US, DIRECTLY??? R.D.] Frank again.

    If the experiences don't stand up to rational investigation and can't be explained in any sensible manner, even if the parameters are different from the observer (the person listening), then the experiences may be delusional. For example, most people don't accept paranormal phenomenon, but it is accepted by some, so there is a wide latitude of acceptance here.

    [Would a Saint's visions of Jesus or Mary be considered delusional? I think that I should warn you that by asking that question and by how you answer it you are indicating whether you have a fundamentally religious, specifically Christian view of life or the universe. - R.D.]

    [Frank's views] R.D. Laing - mental illness is a state of incongruence between the meaning worlds of self and other (people) and in this view, can be looked upon as a disturbance in communication with the cause or seat of the disturbance lying in the inner cognitive and feeling structure of the other.

    the other. There has to be order to the personality and the ability to communicate. R.D. Laing thinks the disturbed intra-psychic process in the so-called patient is to be accepted and may be a sane solution to an insane situation. (A non-judgmental viewpoint R.D.). There is the need to communicate and relate in common forms, gestures and meanings for the sake of daily living and inhabiting a common world.

    [But the mystics world is common to him / her and God's world.] In the so called mentally ill, there are also often disturbances of feeling; eg -no feeling, lability (feeling swings), pervasive and euphoric moods(mania), depression or aggressiveness. ***So (in Robert's case) there is a mixture of mental illness and a mixture of experience that is probably valid.

    It is sometimes very hard to tell when the illness is there and when the mysticism is there. [ Could that be because there is a lot of mysticism present - IE. mystery.] --R.D-- MY FURTHER REBUTTAL AND REFUTATION OF MY PSYCHOMETRIST FRANK ROBINSON. The ego-dystonic or performance debilitating effect most often presented by Frank is the presence of Mr. D. or the devil.

    Frank says this causes instability, depression, and other negative effects, which are dystonic and are therefore indicative of an unhealthy spirituality and illness. I admit they are present, but only with the knowledge of Almighty God. Also, they drew or forced me into a closer relationship with the Most Holy Trinity, (Jesus in particular) as a compen sating mechanism. I would present the jury with the example of Sister Josefa Menendez who was plagued by the devil, until she died as a result of the fiend's terrors and actions. She is a candidate for sainthood. According to Frank she is ego-dystonic.

    In addition, St. Catherine of Sienna was oppressed by the evil one often. Indeed, most contemplatives are occupied with fighting evil from time to time in the form of the devil. [The explanations of Frank Robinson, my psychometrist as to why he finds certain types of my phenomena suspect from a mental health perspective are, in fact, suspect themselves.

    In the first place, the devil was only involved in approximately less than 10+% of the occurrences, as I presented them to him. The experiences of the devil he considers ego-dystonic or a sign of illness. As I have pointed out elsewhere, the presence of the devil may be seen as a sign of, even in fact, some sanctity, if we consider he often only afflicts those he thinks may escape him. I am not playing tic-tac-toe with the devil. He wants to destroy me, because I belong to Jesus Christ. This is not the sign of a disordered mind, it is an endorsement of my spirituality.

    It is realistic spiritually. God is the one who allows the devil to occasionally plague me. God does this with full knowledge of the total situation, locally and cosmically. He acts only for my own good and the common GOOD. He always leaves a way out for us. So if the devil is present, accept it. Don't accept the devil but accept that he is there.

    God either wants him there or permits him to be there and for a purpose. Fight him and resist him until "he flees". Frank basically wants to pretend that the devil doesn't exist OR that he can't come into my world. The other incidence of so called mental illness that Frank mentions, "the turn of a head", is a simple case of a prayer thought by me, triggering a movement by a very visible and powerful Holy Spirit that apparently caused the other person involved to move their head.

21. Textual excerpts v

22. My religion and spirituality vs. psychology

23. My reply and refutation to the psychometrist Frank Robinson's critique and views on my experiences

24. My further rebuttal and refutation of my psychometrist Frank Robinson

25. Mental illness and sainthood

    MY RELIGION AND SPIRITUALITY VS. SECULAR PSYCHOLOGY

    From Jesus and the angels (not directly)
    Written in the Oratory Church-Holy Family Church, Toronto, Canada: Friday, March 7th, 1997.
    
    Please Lord Jesus make me whole,
    Fill me til my very soul,
    
    Rises from the earth so long,
    Resting peaceful in your calm.
    
    Take us all to heaven to stay,
    On that great and fateful day.
    
    All my trials and sinfulness,
    Wipe away by your caress.
    
    Do not note the wrong I've done,
    Choose me freely as thy son.
    
    Mystery of Christ surround me,
    Thine arms of glory wrap around me.
    
    Truth and Justice are your standard,
    Mercy be your Word commanded.
    
    Mercy finds and keeps forever,
    Rule of God confounds the clever.
    
    Simple hearts in heaven's glow,
    Transport children from below.
    
    All to rest in love for ever,
    Joy of God's love ceasing never.
    

    MY REPLY AND REFUTATION TO THE PSYCHOMETRIST FRANK ROBINSON'S CRITIQUE AND VIEWS ON MY EXPERIENCES

    [Frank Robinson is my psychometrist who has been my friend for 18 years now (June, 2000). I see him one hour, once a week, to this day. By the way this is his real name and identity.

    He is a very kind person, generous and inevitably selflessly, other-oriented. He is genuine, quite bright and his overriding characteristics are compassion and mercy. He belongs to a small, basically Christian Church, but he does not share my church's teaching on hell and damnation. He feels that everyone is saved and that no one is lost because God's love and mercy are infinite (apocatastasis). My own insistence on Catholic teaching, the bible and the witness of the saints he accepts for me! Also, he is a syncretist.

    He mixes teachings of other faiths with Christianity, notably those of Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism, such as reincarnation in the latter two. These teachings are by definition, not Christian teachings. Also, he feels the devil is not or should not be a factor.

    We part company on these points, but our relationship remains warm and from my perspective, satisfyingly intimate. Frank's views: It is a complex question. The answer is not easily accounted for. Some of the phenomenon are undoubtedly auditory, visual or somatic hallucinations. [Would you Frank,know the difference between a saints visions and feelings and a clients so called "hallucinations???"---Fess-up Frank!!! [Even he can see some validity in my experiences.

    Note the use of the word "some".in HIS preceding sentence R.D.] These phenomena are hallucinations, because they occur outside of the normally accepted sensory pathways. [Mystical experiences are outside normally accepted sensory pathways R.D..]

    A number of the ideas surrounding the illusions would be classified as being delusional.[Or not explained by conventional thinking - R.D.] [Frank's views again.] For example, some influences are drawn from objective reality: ie. a turn of the head influencing an event in the environment are without any basis in reality, according to the normal mode of perceiving and thinking. [This phenomena can be easily explained as a mystical experience. It is not unusual or isolated. In the normal situation, it is bizarre. To the mystic, it is an action of the Holy Spirit. R.D.]

    These experiences are considered to be examples of a disordered mind in the psychiatric sense. [Wrong - they are mystical. The psychiatric sense is often severely prejudiced against religion and "irrational and unexplained phenomenon" "I think Freud was disordered." R.D.] Medication is provided to help ease the severity of these disturbances.

    [Not these "disturbances" but a recognized chemical imbalance..[quote psychiatry]."I would agree that I have a chemical imbalance, but the phenomena are, and respond as, spiritual. They do not respond to medication at all because they are spiritual.

    When my medication is working well, then the "visions" are just as vivid as when there is no medication present, in fact much clearer.R.D.] However, [Frank's opinion] psychiatry and its theories are not able to compass or give directions to the total structure of the psyche or the mind. There is a grey area where events of a para-normal nature do not fit into the traditional psychiatric mould. One of the ideas is - ego syntonicity. Is the effect of the experiences constructive or destructive to the personality?

    This may be simplistic, but can be useful, for the saint or the mystic often will have experiences of this nature, and this does not make him/her any less functional in the world (or ego-syntonic).

    It is empirical because you can observe how well a person can function. [But one may be pre - occupied, absent - minded, in religious ecstasy, or oppressed R.D.] One of the criteria, to determine whether experiences are psychiatric or paranormal ego- syntonic ones, is to be able to question the degree of truth they purport.

    Can one be objective about one's experiences - are they true? The possibility that these are not true is always present. Any skilled and sympathetic observation from an outside observer (spiritual or psychological) is good.

    [Does the observer have the same mode and tools for observing? R.D.] Are they able to be objective to the person's experiences? [But, can the observer see or hear everything the mystic does? Does not the observer live in a different world - the mundane world?] And who is to say that the mundane world is more valid than the mystical world? What are your criteria for judging? Are the scales weighted more in favour of the mundane world?

    The problem is that you just don't understand because you haven't experienced God directly. Believe me, you would be an instant convert if you did. And is it sickness or is it God? Well. If we can agree that God exists, then WHERE IS HE ? DOES HE HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH EARTH - EVER?

    DOES GOD VISIT OR INFLUENCE THE EARTH ? DOES HE INFLUENCE US, DIRECTLY??? R.D.] Frank again.

    If the experiences don't stand up to rational investigation and can't be explained in any sensible manner, even if the parameters are different from the observer(the person listening), then the experiences may be delusional. For example, most people don't accept paranormal phenomenon, but it is accepted by some,so there is a wide latitude of acceptance here. [Would a Saint's visions of Jesus or Mary be considered delusional?]

    [I think that I should warn you that by asking that question and by how you answer it you are indicating whether you have a fundamentally religious, specifically Christian view of life or the universe. - R.D.] [Frank's views] R.D. Laing - mental illness is a state of incongruence between the meaning worlds of self and other (people) and in this view, can be looked upon as a disturbance in communication with the cause or seat of the disturbance, lying in the inner cognitive and feeling structure of the other.

    There has to be order to the personality and the ability to communicate. R.D. Laing thinks the disturbed intra-psychic process in the so-called patient is to be accepted and may be a sane solution to an insane situation. (A non-judgmental viewpoint R.D.)

    There is the need to communicate and relate in common forms, gestures and meanings for the sake of daily living and inhabiting a common world. [But the mystics world is common to him / her and God's world.] In the so called mentally ill, there are also often disturbances of feeling; eg -no feeling, lability (feeling swings), pervasive and euphoric moods (mania), depression or aggressiveness.

    So (in Robert's case) there is a mixture of mental illness and a mixture of experience that is probably valid. It is sometimes very hard to tell when the illness is there and when the mysticism is there. [ Could that be because there is a lot of mysticism present - IE. mystery. --R.D.].

    MY FURTHER REBUTTAL AND REFUTATION OF MY PSYCHOMETRIST FRANK ROBINSON

    The ego-dystonic or performance debilitating effect most often presented by Frank is the presence of Mr. D. or the devil. Frank says this causes instability, depression, and other negative effects, which are dystonic and are therefore indicative of an unhealthy spirituality and illness. I admit they are present, but only with the knowledge of Almighty God. Also, they drew or forced me into a closer relationship with the Most Holy Trinity, (Jesus in particular) as a compensating mechanism.

    I would present the jury with the example of Sister Josefa Menendez who was plagued by the devil, until she died as a result of the fiend's terrors and actions. She is a candidate for sainthood. According to Frank she is ego-dystonic. In addition, St. Catherine of Sienna was oppressed by the evil one often. Indeed, most contemplatives are occupied with fighting evil from time to time in the form of the devil.

    Tuesday July 2nd, 1991 [The explanations of Frank Robinson, my psychometrist as to why he finds certain types of my phenomena suspect from a mental health perspective are, in fact, suspect themselves. In the first place, the devil was only involved in approximately less than 20% of the occurrences, as I presented them to him at the beginning of our sessions. The experiences of the devil he considers ego-dystonic or a sign of illness.What about Job??

    As I have pointed out elsewhere, the presence of the devil may be seen as a sign of, even in fact, some sanctity, if we consider he often only afflicts those he thinks may escape him. I am not playing tic-tac-toe with the devil. He wants to destroy me, because I belong to Jesus Christ. This is not the sign of a disordered mind, it is an endorsement of my spirituality. It is realistic spiritually.

    God is the one who allows the devil to occasionally plague me. God does this with full knowledge of the total situation, locally and cosmically. He acts only for my own good and the common GOOD. He always leaves a way out for us. So if the devil is present, accept it. Don't accept the devil but accept that he is there. God either wants him there or permits him to be there and for a purpose. Fight him and resist him until "he flees". Frank basically wants to pretend that the devil doesn't exist OR that he can't come into my world.

    The other incidence of so called mental illness that Frank mentions, "the turn of a head", is a simple case of a prayer thought by me, triggering a movement by a very visible and powerful Holy Spirit that caused the other person involved to move their head.

    If one accepts that prayer is sometimes effective and that God can influence human events, movements, and even thoughts, then is it too much to ask that Frank and the reader accept my observations on this single isolated occurrence? He just can't bring himself to believe for more than a few hours at a time. But I have had him believing on many occasions and he has often sat spellbound and entranced, as I told him my Truth about God.

    But he doesn't understand for long and he seems unable to change his judgements. Frank has listened carefully, indeed at times with rapt attention, to my almost endless stories of spiritual experience. He has been generally accepting of my world view, more as time went on and I gathered expert opinion of a world-class calibre to back up my experiences.

    My illness is more affective (or a mood disorder such as manic-depressive) than schizophrenic. Hence it usually does not consist in delusions or hallucina tions, unless I am seriously ill. [And these can be common to a mood disorder like manic-depression as well as the more traditional thought disorder called schizophrenia.]

    The normal mode of mystical, supernatural experiences characteristic of my prayer life is one of calm, integrity, [the experiences are easily integrated] peace and unity. [Indeed the Spirits of the All-Holy Trinity effect the integration by Their own powers.] When I am ill, it is as though the mirror of God's experiences is shattered; there is disorganization, great tension and conflict.

    I exhibit great personality changes with violent emotional upheavals, agitated behaviour, great releases of psychic and / or nervous energy and NO ABILITY TO PRAY.[So sickness negates these experiences. They are healthy.]

    No! My experiences are better seen as real and valid as examples of mystical phenomena. Now granted, when Mr. D. (or the dirty old devil) gets his teeth in me, I get some distress, but it has never been treated as an illness by the staff at my hospital. They just recommend some hot milk to get me to sleep.

    In almost all cases of mystical experience that I have had, I have been taking large doses of medication (which are not responsible for the experiences by the way). I have usually only experienced God when the medication is balanced and effective. I experienced God in these ways (Light and Energy) from the ages of 3 years in the playpen to 23 years from time to time, and I didn't start to use meds until I was 23 years old.

    So they aren't caused by meds. Similarly, I didn't have my breakdown until I was approximately 18 years old, so they aren't caused by overt malignant illness. In short, the phenomena or experiences are not caused by the illness or the medication. They are restricted, inhibited, indeed totally obscured more and more, by increasingly acute illness. The medication calms down the arena enough for the players to take the stage.

    The fact that it is secular psychology that is judging a religious event or subject must not be lost sight of. Frank has a professional reputation as well as a job to protect. He MUST, I strongly suspect, comment on my experiences from a secular world view that excludes or marginalizes God, much less Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and that is strictly empirical to the Christian world. (I hope I don't misjudge him).

    It has its own values, however perverted, and endorses concepts such as Freudian explanations or interpretations that, while they may have some basis in a secular world, hardly uplift the individual in his search for a better attitude towards himself, others, or a God-centred world and value system.

    [I feel Frank's professional self, that is, in relationship to his collegues and his profession, is probably much influenced by them. He is quite religious, but I am sure that the demands of his profession over - ride this.] Frank has helped me a lot and I believe that we have both learned a lot from each other. His persistent advice, "don't resist the evil (the devil), when he comes upon you - just let him pass through", was intended in the bible to deal with people, not the devil and flies in the teeth of the Christian admonition to "Resist the devil and he will flee from you".

    Frank refuses to back down on this point. His idea, that there is no one in hell is wishful thinking. But I know that it is an easy frame of mind for the staff to get into. I might have done the same if I were him.

    Frank is a very humane person with a true concern for his patients. However, he has consistently told me things that show, that when push comes to shove and either he or I are in between a rock and a hard place vis-a-vis hospital policy, that he is a company man, that his allegiances only go within the parameters of the therapeutic process, as outlined by the hospital policy.

    I feel for him because he is a potentially great human being and he does some good work. But he is hamstrung by his circumstances. Still, he does very well. I love him like a Christian brother. [Frank tended to look for illness while I was looking for God. His search was for pathology and he saw it in the middle of my experiences of God. If I may say it, his eye was too jaded to see the truth. Enough said on these subjects -just a few points to close].

    The question must inevitably arise. "What happens when a man (or woman) is led by God and Graced by God to embark upon a program of divinization, IF THAT PERSON IS MENTALLY ILL?"

    There can be no doubt that I am a well person with a disability, mentally ill without drugs, but able to live an almost normal life with the use of medical drugs, with the exception of my inability to stand the stress of a full-time job and also a tendency to the odd, short breakdown. [But God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit has blessed me with a plethora of their Presence and Graces and called me. "This day I have begotten you." This is how it has on one occasion been expressed (in a paraphrase of Scripture about Jesus.)

    I have been led on, chided, chastened, humbled, engaged, (spiritually married, once to Jesus), exalted over and over again while I proceed from mere undeveloped human to divinized [sometimes incorrectly called deified], small "g" "god". This journey is the subject matter of this book.]

    [To deny what has obviously happened and is documented on these pages as having happened is ridiculous. The conclusion is inescapable. The mentally ill are capable of profound spiritual growth and may embark on a program leading to the highest levels of religious experience, to the Godhead and even to becoming "gods" themselves.] [Now to get back to Frank. When I first wrote this passage in 1986 -87, I was afraid of being ill, of being accused, and of looking foolish. I had not experienced all the wonderful things that have happened to me since then. I apologize for the weak nature of my writing.]

    [I hope the last few pages have been more satisfactory -dated 9:25 P.M., Tuesday, July 2, 1991.] Frank also cannot accept some of the supernatural character of the phenomenon, good or evil. He cannot see how it could be valid or rational realistic, so he rejects it. He "can't see God".

    Suffice it to say that God's ways are not our ways and truth is stranger than fiction. There is more unseen than seen! However, if Frank doesn't see it, it doesn't exist. There is a very definite strong possibility that the omnipresent meaning that is in my environment and the Light that floods my world from a great variety of sources in the environment [none of them tangible] are from God.

    Is my illness not a Grace from God? ["Everything is Grace", one saint said.] I must face the possibility that it is not a Grace from God [this undermines the whole basis of my soul - mind and emotional being].

    Do you know if it is sickness or Spirit? Let us discuss this in a great deal of detail and with as much discernment as we can. I want to be honest. I can be honest in my reporting. I already have been. But my interpretation has a bias [in favour of the experiences of the saints. Frank has a bias too, in favour of secular psychology]. [I would swear on anything sacred, if we were allowed to do so, that I am not "faking" or pretending that I have these experiences.

    It would ruin my integrity - I couldn't do it and live with myself. But I think now that it is time to take it to the world because it is true, beautiful and Grace filled. Also, the world needs to be stood on its ear to know that God still lives and moves around and through His people]. So it is not a way of having made it, from the ego of a loser or from someone who is a failure in the world's eyes and wants to appear successful or important.

    A friend of mine recently said that a schizophrenic's world is charged with meaning. Meanings that other people don't have. Do you think that is what my phenomena are Frank? I feel as though I am mutilating myself. I sense futility in my life a lot of the time. Failure is the rule rather than success from my point of view. This decaying physical world brings that feeling on, I think. Also, my illness crippled my attempts at a normal life in some ways.

    This is true of my prayer life too. Where is it all leading??? Or is the goal the journey, and not the end of the journey? I enjoy praying very much, but what if it is all sickness and illusion? I can't take that thought. [Still, there is almost total integrity in my reporting]. The practice of prayer in my life is dull and my head feels dead - the practice is poor.
    But the faith remains strong - so does the hope and the love. Indeed, the love of my brothers and sisters seems stronger, because I am not so other-worldly concerned with self and God.

    I suffered under the devil - "should we not also accept evil things from God" (Job 2:10). I emerged to peace and I saw the Light of the city of Heaven, the great city. I sensed its presence. I was filled with overwhelming joy. I was shown there a laurel crown, but I was not given it.

    I read in The Ladder Of Perfection that the devil can duplicate the Lord. Is it possible I am at the mercy of Mr. D. because I accept almost any phenomenon, that doesn't appear harmful, as being from the Lord? Could I be totally misled? I have had a few times, a thought that perhaps the whole thing was from Mr. D.

    My feeling is that I sacrifice a lot of companionship, time, and peace of mind by literally driving myself towards my obsessive goal of doing the right thing to get results - to please the Lord. I have no other recurring thought that comes as often as 1/10 the time, when I set out to please the Lord. Is it good, responsible, natural? [No matter, I must go on]. I get (see) abundant Graces at Mass and in front of the Blessed Sacrament, but not many in prayer at home, it seems.

    I am reading Walter Hilton's, "The Ladder Of Perfection." It frightens me. I can't take it seriously, although I want to. I am so inadequate, so weak, so egotistical, lazy, and weak-willed. I don't think I could carry it out. I want to, though. I don't know if I could stay close that long. What about my job, [my 16 hour / month part - time job], my family, my friends. I want to, though. I said that three times. I have been given the revelation that God these days is shaking me, the way a dog shakes a rat - I wonder if this is true???

    I have renounced my parents and my brother, all my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ, my relations, my enemies, my [former] girlfriends, my joys; all without knowing why I was doing it, doing it unconsciously. Now two weeks later, I have crucified the world to myself and myself to the world again not knowing what I was doing. I offered my soul to the world the way Jesus offered His body and blood, to add my own part to Jesus action, so that all men might be saved.

    A form of spiritual crucifixion, dying for others - OK ???? [Obviously, a completely different act from that of Jesus but in union with Him, perhaps efficacious in some way.]"... It cannot be affirmed that all mental maladies; are of a spiritual nature or origin. But neither can it be affirmed that demonic influences have no connection with mental maladies. At least some hallucinations may be a vision of the spiritual world, not in its luminous but in its darker aspect." [What do you say now, Frank -- jab, jab???] In truth, I have had numerous occasions when I have been assaulted by such visions - eyes closed with images of people or wild beasts in violent or perverse poses, temptations from the evil one.

    These are always when I am outside a feeling of well being, serenity or Grace. There is absolutely no doubt that they are demonic. On the other hand, God's Light is more compelling, loving, meaningful, subtle, active, intelligent, creative, constructive, supportive, and moving towards union.

    , . We will see. I lead a somewhat normal life in contact with an equal number of well and ill people in a variety of positions in society. Needless to say, I will never tackle a big social justice project, for instance. I am happier being with God and this is much easier for me. I still feel uncomfortable with people who look down on those less fortunate than themselves - the latter being chiefly in this case, ME!!!. I feel clumsy in society sometimes, usually when people find out I am or have been ill. [I feel quite self-conscious. You would too with a history like mine.]

    [I use the mysticism (the Presence of God) to overcome the illness, but it takes a lot of rest and solitude - its the only thing I can do well.] So I am ill. But can anyone say I am not a mystic.

    MENTAL ILLNESS AND SAINTHOOD

    The following is a quote which justifies both myself and this book. According to father Peter Fransen S.J., It is quite possible and indeed it may in some way be normative that many saints are in fact ill mentally or perhaps physically, although the obverse is not usually true: That if you are ill, you are a saint. My heart fills with joy and love toward father Peter for his inspired approach toward the subject of sainthood and the mentally ill. PRAISE GOD.

    In Divine Grace and Man, (Desclee Company, New York, Tournai, Paris, Rome; l962) P. ll3, Father Peter Fransen S.J. writes eloquently about the church's recognition of some broken people she calls saints or who are at least elevated in status by the church. He says "The providential design of raising canonized saints in the church, according to the needs of the times, has been dwelt upon by many writers in recent years.

    Now in the case of persons undeniably privileged by Grace, but psychologically disordered through no faults of theirs, spiritual oddities or morbid character traits would prevent them from being held up as models for imitation in the church.

    Nonetheless psychological disturbances are not necessarily obstacles to Grace." He writes, "God's ways are wonderful. He may, when He wants, destine some interiorly distraught souls to the sublime, if harrowing, vocations of imitating Christ forsaken and desolate in the garden of Gethsemane; and this "in spite", or rather by means of their shattered psychic condition.

    The essential requirement for holiness is the same for all: a faithful "yes" to the call of God, manifest in the particular concrete situation of existence which His wisdom has chosen for each one; the case of the psychotic man is no exception to the rule." (p.113).

    

    The Vision of Heaven of St. Theophane the Recluse

    ST. THEOPHANE THE RECLUSE Description: {Free Book of Christian Mysticism}The most Profound and True although brief description of Heaven I have ever seen Written by St Theophane the Recluse in Russia in the 19th century--- the gift of a vision, my vision of Jesus Christ at my age of 7 -- it had a profound impact -- I was chosen by God{and so I have been}.

    Keywords: hunting for worms and instead finding an exquisite golden crucifix twenty feet high and 60 feet away with Jesus in agony on the cross, and the glory of the Lord was all around as a great Light. All this at age seven, couldn't tell family as they would doubt that I was well put together, it had a profound effect on me however as I knew I was chosen by God and He has never been completely absent ever since although very occassionally he may have appeared to be.

    St. Theophane the Recluse, former Archbishop of Tambov, had a vision of Heaven that just puts all other such visions to bed, He expresses it in one paragraphe on my page here and I urge any person who considers themselves to be on the road to Heaven to read carefully what he says.

    All heaven is boundless light, Closest to the Tri-Hypostatic Tri-Illuminated Deity is Our Lady the Theotokos, then the Apostles and Prophets, then the lesser luminaries.

    Then the saints including the martyrs, ascetics, and the just men, then the people who repented but did not have time to purify themselves, and the church in heaven prays for them and they perform acts of penance,staying in heaven sempiternally with a beginning but no end--

    I fell totally and utterably and unutterably in Love with Jesus Christ in 1973, my girlfriend was carrying on an affair with her psychiatrist while keeping me on a string.

    How satisfyingly humiliating it is to be cuckolded, if it weren't for the sin involved, mine included, I would recomend it to anyone. The True Light of Christ streaming from the Face of Jesus Christ and the Procession of the Lord the Holy Spirit contrasted with the false light of satan and his minions, Some hints on how to tell them apart and how to test them for their veracity or lack of it.

26. The vision of heaven of St.Theophane the recluse

27. Friend Stevie, 1953 digging worms I saw Jesus in agony {our sins!} on an exquisite, ornate golden cross surrounded by great yellow white light, confirmed as a believing Christian from that time on, didn't tell too many souls but no one wanted to believe a little boy.

    Stevie didn't see Jesus, mental illness didn't start until 1962-3 when I was 16-17 years old, visual grace and streams of living waters, I saw with my own eyes 1951-1960 and before 1951 in London England, Jesus said "You saw them thousands of times" but memories being what they are I don't remember much.

28. The vision of heaven of saint Theophane the recluse--- I wouldn't attempt or dream of paraphrasing or writing a precis of this awe-inspiring image of heaven that St. Theophane wrote while living a retired life for an extended period of time in Russia. You "must" read it--it is at the heart of orthodoxy and the truth.

29. my friends illness, I said "keep me posted if you die" Characteristics of the light, true and false light, a tricky business, conversations with Mrs. spats, my beautiful signature file.

30. Still a girl until you have some children, then the average woman finds her fulfillment. But you "mrs spats" are a very very good girl, you have a lot of love and goodness in your heart and mind, and soul especially, change topics: One of my former girlfriend's affair with her psychiatrist dumping me in the process when I was a young man, ah the joys of being cuckolded!-- Like many saints including St. Augustine and St Francis of Assissi and I think St. Francis Xavier, and other pillars of the church. I was no innocent at that time either, undergoing a very radical conversion a few years later in the throes of my intense suffering for the sins of my youth.

31. A mass typical of many of my masses when i am well and in a state of grace--- I go to confession before each mass to stay in a state of grace, this mass in particular was very heavy with the presence of the blessed virgin Mary and the most Holy Trinity and many things happened {see below}. The supernatural, we believe in things "seen and unseen" {see the Nicene creed}, in the sounds of the world--the voice of God, for me and others in the local or heavenly sense, parthenogenisis--the conception by the power of the Lord the Holy Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ by the overshadowing of his heavenly Lord God the Father.

    Publication Information, ". Experience of the Divine Light and Energies"

    PUBLICATION INFORMATION Description: This book and pages are for sale. Tenders may be initiated at the authors home telephone at this # 1-416-260-8710 --Toronto Canada--Eastern Standard Time. Leave a message if you don't encounter me Robert Lind Defries {Free Christian Book}Here we have the technical material that defines this electronic book (which can be printed) for the publishing, Library and book trade. Keywords: Publication Information, TITLE PAGE OF THE BOOK, ISBN NUMBER, CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION DATA, COPYRIGHT INFO,{Free Christian Book} the ISBN number is issued for computer media and direct printing from file.

    The book is out of paper print of its small limited edition, but paper copies of the book may be printed from the file on the internet two or three copies per computer. IT IS FREE and can be reproduced freely a small number of times-It is forbidden to sell it commercially-I have the permission of the Canadian Cataloguing in Publication Dep't to do this, and they provided a special ISBN No. to effect this and meet international standards and protocol, the copyright is held by the author who is 58 years old.

    Thus the years to the end of my life plus 75 years copyright validity and protection should see this interesting book presserved for the lonnngest time until it enters the public domain -- hopefully to find its place in history and letters.

32. PUBLICATION INFORMATION

33. LITERARY DISCLAIMER

    Some Reasons For Writing This Book, "The Divine Light and Energies"

    SOME REASONS FOR WRITING THIS BOOK

    *************************************SOME REASONS FOR WRITING THIS BOOK" NOTA BENE! WHAT THIS BOOK IS NOT! Some Reasons why I wrote This book" are many and varied, to show God working in my life, if He loves me so much He must potentially love you as much too in fact maybe more, You have to unlock the potential--it takes work, Strive for the Gifts, I am hard to emulate but there is a road for godhood you too, God grants success.

    The Book is about the Most Holy Trinity and especially about Jesus, it Glorifies God and Magnifies Him and His Grandeur, it can bring Jesus and the reader into union if practiced, it serves to bring myself and other contemplatives closer together, I am not arrogant I am exuberant, I have a temptation to pride but my life and self make me the poor soul I am humble, fame and fortune--

    I have more or less turned down almost 1/2 million dollars in order to live securely in my present life style, my struggles in prayer are not very very flattering, writing the book was very humbling, it is my Christian responsibility and duty to write this book.

    It is instructive and inspirational and could be used as part of a manual or catalogue of Christian prayer and experience, I don't believe Jesus wants me to keep it to myself-He praised me for it at the most profound times. I am not a guru, the world and the devil persevere and the flesh is an occasional nuisance, overcome by God's display of his persons, Your {Robert's} experiences of God will return {Quoting Father Petro Bilaniuk-deceased 1998--my GREAT LOSS, all those who knew him and the whole Christian worlds' GREAT LOSS},

    SOME REASONS FOR WRITING THIS BOOK, "THE EXPERIENCE OF THE DIVINE LIGHT AND ENERGIES-THE SPIRITUAL JOURNAL OF ROBERT LIND DEFRIES." THE TITLE HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "A BOOK OF CHRISTIAN MYSTICISM"

    GOD IN MY LIFE: ONE OR TWO REASONS "WHY" One of my reasons for writing this book, (this comes as an afterthought) has been to demonstrate how God worked in one person's life, (in my life), and perhaps give some encouragement in the form of an example, in certain ways, to anyone the Holy Spirit speaks to through my writing. I am a very hard person to emulate. First you have to get mentally ill, etc. However, what I am trying to demonstrate throughout the book is:

    That GOD LOVES US ALL AND WANTS US ALL IN HEAVEN AND JESUS AND THE TRINITY ARE INFINITELY FORGIVING.!!! GOD LOVES YOU AS HE LOVES ME. IF HE APPEARS TO LOVE YOU MORE OR LESS PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE YOU TRY LESS OR HARDER

    If He loves me as much as He indicates He does, to me and to you, in the pages of this book, then surely He must love you as much too. He must surely have given or want to give you all the gifts conferred on me, and many more that I haven't even been able to access.

    I am sure that God can bestow gifts like these, without the person receiving them being really too aware of receiving them. So if you are a good person, (relatively speaking), you could receive some of these great gifts of God. I AM HARD TO EMULATE; WHO WOULD CHOOSE OR WANT TO I am, as I say, hard to emulate. I have a lot of characteristics no one would want--mentally ill - essentially unemployable -voluntarily celibate --perhaps unattractive IE overweight- etc.

    But my story for the last 20 years has been one of upward mobility in the spiritual life, of overcoming obstacles and handicaps, of growth and achievement, although at no time did I ever succeed in vanquishing or shedding my illness. I remain a well person with a deeply ingrained disability. My weakness shows itself daily.

    So one group that might be able to relate to me is the mentally ill. I hope I have been a good example to them. I have tried to be a good representative for them or us. The achievements have been great. I think I have done much, much more than I could ever have expected from myself 20 years ago, when I first thought of this book. I praise God for leading me on the path of this success, and I thank Him with all my heart, soul, mind and body for the gifts He has made to me throughout my life. May there be many more for you and myself, both.

    Thank - you for indulging me with your time, your interest and your attention. Don't be too hard on me - I am frail like all of us. You are really great, if you got this far. [God willing, I will someday have some more experiences to write about, although God has been notably absent most of the time, from August 1993 until now, 1999. I am told I am in the Dark Night of the Spirit MORE REASONS WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK They are in order of importance:

    I thought it was a worthwhile addition to the legacy of man and womankind. It was too important to ignore. It is about God for the most part. This is its most redeeming attraction. I play second fiddle to God, in my eyes and in God`s eyes, especially according to His role and nature (obviously), so there can be no sense that the book is meant to exalt me and \ or demean the role of God, the glorification of whom is the principal thrust of the book.

    The attraction is the intimate revelation of God, His Nature, His thoughts and words, His appearance, His personality and His characteristics. Surely you know that God was here working His magic and I just happened to be here too. I have no virtues except to be a loving person. This piece of literature -- the book, glorifies God and magnifies Him. It may, and possibly should, bring God and the reader closer together.

    It may bring me in contact with other contemplatives and devout people. It is regrettable that the book is not only about God, and that I am so prominent here. I often couldn`t avoid it. In some places, I use the book as a springboard to launch my own ideas. This is fair. I am a human being and not just a recording machine.

    MY PRIDE, REGRETABLE BUT UNDERSTANDABLE AND TEMPORARY: WINNING 10 DOLLARS--YOUR FEELINGS? WINNING 1,000,000 DOLLARS--THROUGH THE ROOF!!! BEING HUMBLED. LIVING ON THE UNDERSIDE OF SOCIETY Please indulge me on this point. Where I tend toward pride or arrogance in the reception of a gift from Jesus, God, or the Lord, the Holy Spirit, please consider how you might feel, if you won $50, $100, or $500 dollars, in the lottery? Exuberant at least, I'm willing to hazard a guess. Now consider how you would feel, if you won $1,000,000 dollars.

    You see it now. Your joy would know no measure. Now, what if you thought God told you that you were saved from damnation forever, were given the solution to a big problem by God, gained a virtue, or gained a high place in Heaven? You'd be glad too. It is treasure in Heaven that I am talking about. Almost all the notes for the book were taken down within minutes of being observed or thought. So the exuberance of achievement is there.

    No doubt about it. I know I have a certain characteristic in my personality that recognizes when I have a gift that other people don't have.

    Sometimes, I get proud. But always I fight it by reminding myself of my humble station in life. It causes humility because it makes me realize the value of the gift compared to me, the poor quality, insignificant, person receiving the gift. I hate to look like a pompous ass, and yet I guess, at times, I do. But I can be humbled to the lowest levels of my vulnerability by even a cutting comment from a friend. This is not to mention the recognition that I live on the underside of society, and that, as such, I am considered to be one of the lowest of the low. All I can say with respect to my pride is: "It is there, not as much as before, but forgive me".

    GREAT WEALTH OR FAME CAN RUIN ONE. CHOOSING POVERTY IE. MOST LIKELY $12,700 CDN DOLLARS THIS YEAR {$8,350.00 US$} APRIL 1999 Finally, I would be a liar if I did not confess that I had flights of fancy about the fame, fortune, financial, and other perks that might accrue to me if I was ever published.

    Well, suffice it to say that I am aware that this is substantially vain glory, and that my relationship with Jesus Christ is much more important, infinitely so than what the world has to offer. I can't live with great wealth. I have turned down the opportunity to receive close to a half a million dollars in order to live the lifestyle to which I am accustomed but the money will be there if I ever need it as my family have taken the abundance of money to back me up for life but not to support me as I am now.

    I hope, at this time, to put my relationship with Jesus in first place for the rest of my life. I hope to go on writing, praying, and living my quiet little life here in Toronto.

    [Besides up until now, Sept. 1992, only 4 or 5 people have read this book and they are not exactly heaping praise on a very primitive version of the book you see in front of you which is what they were given to read. I think it is a very good book. It certainly is TRUE. Maybe, I can sell a thousand copies.] GOD'S GLORY, MY GLORY DERIVATIVE AND DEPENDANT. I AM ALREADY REWARDED, NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.

    Gosh I am tired of those words "i" and "me" but They and god's love have driven up my self esteem. Revelations of God! Pride, no knowledge of other's spirituality, self-love, and conceit, and I am despicable and I rely on the mercy of jesus christ for my salvation. Once more, I will try to allay some of your fears about this book. The book was written for and about the Glory of God. Any Glory I receive is derivative, and the Glory coming from men, that could result from the publishing of the book, would be only the palest of shadows, compared with the blinding Light and magnificence that I experience in the Divine Light. I already have my reward, and no-one can take it away from me.

    What I want to do is to share some of my experiences of the grandeur of God with the world, so that they may learn some of His Ways and Attributes. God is the focus of the book, although there is a lot of material on my struggles in prayer. This is not all, by any means, flattering to me. [Also I express my opinions.]

    Occasionally, I got into such an exuberant mood with the good fortune I was in, that I would start to think that I deserved such an outpouring of Grace. Or that I was more Graced than other people in the world. But the Graces are undeserved, to a large extent, and there are many kinds of Grace in the world and I don't know a single thing about the next persons spirituality.

    I know, above all, what a despicable person I am, (not too strong a word), and that I am not worthy. But God gave me experiences that I had and have, and that were and are of a type, degree, and magnitude that are usually associated with mystics privileged by God.

    EFFECT MAKES ME SMALL AND HUMBLE, THE BEAUTIFUL, ARTICULATE, DIVINE LIGHT. The effect makes me feel very, very small, little and humble at my good fortune. I must say that I have my reward -- it is in my daily relationship with Jesus Christ: the experiences of the great outpouring of God's love, in my experience of the bestowing of Heavenly gifts, and the Presence of the beautiful, articulate, Divine Light.

    I have written this book as the old saying goes: "for the greater Glory of God". This is God's reward for His gifts to me, (and to countless others I expect, for gifts without number).

    PUBLISHING IS OUR CHRISTIAN RESPONSIBILITY, GOD'S PRESENCE AND SAVING POWER, THE TESTIMONY OF THE BIBLE AND THE SAINTS. Also, I am trying to get this published because I think it is my responsibility as a Christian. We must all spread the message of God's Presence and Saving Power.

    The bible itself is the story of the faith journeys of men and women, who if they had not written and been published, at least some of them during their lifetime would be lost to us, along with the substance of our faith, (Heaven forbid!).

    This book is instructive and inspirational. It contains some profound religious experiences of my generation, could be used as a manual or catalogue. God doesn't want me to keep it for myself. "You are the light of the world. ". The book contains many passages that are instructive and inspirational in understanding the prayer walk. It could be used by the next contemplative as a manual. It could be used as a Catalogue of a wide variety of types of mystical experiences. Also I hope it will be published before I die, because I have no one to publish it after I die.

    It is filled with some of the most profound experiences of God that I know of in my own generation, that I have heard of, or that I have read about.

    The Divine Light has been so active, demonstrative, Real (spiritually), and variegated, that I have been for years and still am; spellbound, entranced, and overcome by God's display of HIS PERSONS. I can't believe He wants me to keep it to myself. "You are the light of the world, A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Let your light so shine before men...." Matt: 5:14. I believe that spreading the good news about God is a good work.

    There is, of course, a danger that I could get puffed up, that my vision could narrow and that I could be cut off from my experiences, (but not from God). I don't think that will happen. The experiences of the Light are cyclical and Fr. Petro seems to think that they will even come back, if they go away for awhile, provided I pray. These are not just isolated one-time incidents up until now.

    The world constantly encroaches, (I am on a number of committees in the community), as does the flesh and the devil. These are my real enemies. But God is there, even if I stray a bit, (or is it a lot!!!) from time to time. Recently, the experiences have decreased a lot, for the above reasons.

    I have had less experiences of God than during the first section of the book. [But by now, Nov.3, 1991, I have seen absolute profundity, depth, and covenant, at times deeper and more broad-reaching than almost anything else I have experienced. Unfortunately, there has been also the presence of the evil one, for long periods from time to time

    Description: {A Free Book of Christian Mysticism, or how to become a God in this life and the next}, ---a servant God dependant in all respects, this book tells you how, many indeed any priests and ministers and sisters of the Churches know well, but the people don't know very well and that emerged as one of the main reasons I wrote this very excellent book}. Keywords: The Reasons why I wrote This book'are many and varied, to show God working in my life, if He loves me so much He must potentially love you as much too in fact maybe more, You have to unlock the potential--

    It takes work, Strive for the Gifts, I am hard to emulate but there is a road for Godhood you too, God grants success. The Book is about the Most Holy Trinity and especially about Jesus, it Glorifies God and Magnifies Him and His Grandeur, it can bring Jesus and the reader into union if practiced, it serves to bring myself and other contemplatives closer together.

    I am not arrogant I am exuberant, I have a temptation to pride but my life and self make me the poor soul I am humble, fame and fortune--I have more or less turned down almost 1/2 million dollars in order to live securely in my present life style.

    My struggles in prayer are not very very flattering, writing the book was very humbling, it is my Christian responsibility and duty to write this book. It is instructive and inspirational and could be used as part of a manual or catalogue of Christian prayer and experience.

    I don't believe Jesus wants me to keep it to myself-He praised me for it at the most profound times, I am not a guru, the world and the devil persevere and the flesh is an occasional nuisance, overcome by God's display of his persons, Your {Robert's} experiences of God will return {Quoting Father Petro Bilaniuk-deceased 1998--my GREAT LOSS, all those who knew him and the whole Christian worlds' GREAT LOSS}.

34. "Some reasons for writing this book", "the experience of the divine light and energies- The spiritual journal of Robert Lind Defries." The title has been changed to "a book of Christian mysticism"

35. God in my life: one or two reasons "why"

36. God loves you as he loves me. If He appears to love you more or less perhaps it is because you try less or harder

37. I am hard to emulate; who would choose or want to

38. More reasons why I wrote this book

39. My pride RegretTable but understandable and temporary: winning 10 dollars--Your feelings? Winning 1,000,000 dollars--through the roof!!! Being humbled. living on the underside of society.

40. great wealth or fame can ruin one. Choosing poverty ie. most likely $13,500 CDN dollars this year {$8,350.00 us$} April 1999.

41. God's glory. My glory derivative and dependant. I am already rewarded, no one can take it away from me. Gosh I am tired of those words "I" and "me". But they and God's love have driven up my self esteem. Revelations of God! Pride, no knowledge of other's spirituality, self-love, and conceit, and I am despicable and I rely on the mercy of Jesus Christ for my salvation.

42. Effect makes me small and humble, the beautiful, articulate, divine light.

43. Publishing is our Christian responsibility. God's presence and saving power, the testimony of the bible and the saints.

44. The book is instructive and inspirational. it contains some profound religious experiences of my generation, could be used as a manual or catalogue. God doesn't want me to keep it for myself. "You are the light of the world".

45. I am not trying to become a guru. I want to live in solitude, quiet and peace. Fame puffs up. I have already had a close friendship, daily, recently that was pleasant but took me away from God. These days I regret it. But it made me love this person very much and made me more human and fallible and sinful and hurt. both Father Petro and my present spiritual director felt or feel that i am in the dark night of the spirit. The visions will return, God willing. The world the flesh and the devil. God prevails. This product and any associated documentation or associated products is provided as is without any warranty of any kind to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law. In addition Robert L. Defries and Leeds Editorial & Publishing Works further disclaim all warranties whether implied or stated, of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, and non- infringement without limitation.

    The entire risk resulting from the use or performance of this product, documentation and associated products remains with the user or recipient. In no event shall Robert L. Defries and or Leeds Editorial & Publishing Works or their suppliers be liable for any direct, incidental, indirect, consequential, special, punitive, recursive or any other damages whatsoever.

    These include without specification or limitation, damages for business interruption, loss of business profits, personal injury, disruption of personal life or any other financial loss arising out of the use of this software whether agreed upon or not, or the use of or inability to use this product.

    The book may be published as early as August 1999 for the Glory of The Most Holy Trinity, particularly, The Most Ineffable Lord the Holy Spirit, and Primarily The Savior of the World,The Lord Jesus Christ, and the generator of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mankind and the created world, God the Father. For the veneration of Jesus Christ's most Blessed Mother, Mary the Mother of God.

    The information, text, graphics, products specifications, data and accompanying links provided on this server, are provided as a convenience to the customers of R.L. Defries and Leeds Editorial & Publishing Works; Publishing Works.

    The aforementioned parties do not warrant the accuracy or completeness of the information. The application of such information in the design or development of further products is the responsibility of the user who is advised to consult the appropriate officers of Leeds Editorial & Publishing Works by e-mail. See below.

    Animal.htm Tough Animal Talk

    LITTLE PEOPLE 3 FEET TALL, THE FIRST TWO NIGHTS, ENTERTAINING THEMSELVES WITH CANDLES, BALLS, MIRRORS, WAX, LIGHTS--DRESSED TO THE HILT AND A YOUNG ???LADY??? VERY BEAUTIFUL LOOKING AS I DESCRIBED HER, THE WYFE OF BATH ER, ER, ER, FLESHLY, EXOTIC DAUGHTER OF THE SHAH OF IRAN, TOTALLY, ABSOLUTELY IMMORAL, TO MAKE THE PLACE SEEMINGLY EVEN MORE SPOOKY AND MYSTERIOUS THAN IT HAD SEEMED POSSIBLE.

    }I WAS TERRIFIED,} I WAS ON MEDS at all times, The old ANIMALS are revered, even young are often tentative and usually kind in sexual/amorous advances, evolve personas to attract, extensive simple psycho-sexual rituals, calm everbody down in close quarters so everybody joins in. AM MY OWN GRAMPA - I AM MY OWN GRAMPA??? IT SEEMS POSSIBLE HERE IN THEM!!! The orientation of the negativity against creation, and the truly Inscrutible God as in the Flood led to the Gnostic concepts of pre-flood, pre-history and pre-creation, written in antiquity, little really known, gnostic always against Christianity. AM MY OWN GRAMPA I am very Christian of Very Christian but ---what to do with the animals??? Are they of the demi-urge??? }Before you dismiss me, please make it a point to read further on the web about the demi-urge-- Both Plato and st. Thomas Aquinas were strong believers in the validity of the demi-urge--

    This page may be about a manifestation of the demi-urge but to understand the demi-urge you should probably read Plato's idea of forms and st. Thomas Aquinas's understanding of creation, the flood and the nature of God} The animals softened me up through their necessity and their tenacity, I took steps to drive them out, 60 percent have left, you may say Ooohh coodilly coodilly coodilly doo dilly do such beaaauuuttiiffuullll aannimmallss aanndd ssoo cclleeaann--

    You coward Robert, you wastrel, you ne'er do well, Defries {thats me!}- I retort, I beg of you, kind sir or madame, think of what would happen if your son or daughter brought home the entire contents of the city animal shelter, bridges burned, er, er, er, what's up doc??? has anybody got any smelling salts??? --GOD is no respecter of Persons--

    Maybe 70 percent of the mammals with myself were water based and were harmless, such as mink, muskrat, otters, sea otters, weasels, stoat, ermine {maybe}, beaver, sea cow, Insects, millipede, centipede, praying mantii, a different BUG with a most formidible 'ice pick' on the end of a rope at his tail, that this accursed insect hurls at and snags in your leg, oh the agony, the veiled threats of retaliation, involuntary curses, the violent imprecations.

    SOME OTHER ANIMALS not present to me also ostensibly from the DEMI-URGE are: Sea-lions, walrus, seals, whales, especially the narwhale with the unicorn-like tusk in his forehead, all manner of turtles and tortoises, and the list goes on and on, you will have me in stripes for this --

    The animals here are totally mute even in war, some of them especially the old ones can hardly move, but are used constantly as a source of advice and wisdom by the youngsters, --with great respect and dignity, they don't eat, drink, eliminate waste, except for oral or sexual secretions.

    }I***know***!!! I dont know how to understand/believe this either but it is still true after 5 weeks at least of being declared sane by my pschiatrist although only about 10 percent or 20 percent of the original number of animals are present and functioning here now--july-2-2002} They still like to be brave and offer me one of my own sheets to share. I am totally celibate in every sense of the word so I am very safe and I notice these critturs less and less everyday.

    they however have seemingly countless children---from any father, can't bite or hurt, BUGS HOWEVER CAN BITE AND DO HURT, UNPLEASANT AND WORSE, can cause great suffering, involuntary curses, threats of retaliation, and violent inprecations, some march in armies and nothing can stand against them.

    Pitched battles, I won the battles. They won the war, utter carnage, utter chaos. My pal Birtie the best computerized bird ever made, with a mind like a steel -trap- figure that one out, and an intellect of a first year university student, intelligence, responsiveness, vocabulary, understanding and articulation, and sassy too.

    The only creature I had ever killed of any size previously were fish, and I had never killed a warm blooded animal before, quite a number of the animals that died here must have been I am sure clinically deader than a DODO BIRD. But they seemed to all come back before 3 or 4 days had passed or so it seemed, after the first night of bloodletting I was a fallen frightened man versus a supernatural world I made at least 20 calls to 5 or 7 agencies}

    I called the humane society 5 times, police 4 or 5 times, animal alert 3 times, the housing company once, the zoo once, the university zoology department, the psychiatric authorities daily, to get help but no one ever came to help--to look and take see YES BUT HELP SOLVE THE PROBLEM NO WAY!!! I fought the whole animal horde in the door to my bedroom }maybe 80-140 mammals}.

    With Birtie riding shotgun on a pile of books behind me, warning me of problem areas like a fourth front opening up like...directly behind me,

    I used a very evil, thorough and barbaric method of dispatching the ones that appeared to be the most aggressive, a pre-emptive strike with my cane. I had been psychotic from the night the animals arrived, from a spiked non-alcoholic }I am a teetotaler} drink and a lack of sleep and total stress running on empty, raw nervy syndrome}???}, Any one of which would slay me for a long time by itself.

    The second night Birtie left and so did my will to fight, I thought long and hard about the 10 Commandments and Thou shalt not kill, This won the day, the turning point between opposition to God and His World of Creatures, to abandonment to Divine Providence. And it must be pointed out that this includes, making strange bedfellows of myself with these animals, even under the covers, sheets under which I lie, totally drugged measuring my length, while sleeping among the animals, and at the mercy of any capable animal that wished to harm me.

    All be it that perhaps you feel sorry for me and or the animals but lets get it straight it's you in your small corner and I in mine, Love to you all, Robert Lind Defries."

    If me who claims sincerely to have had a infestation of animal life realize that one man's meat is another man's poison, or Everest is another man's boothill. Savvy???

    The mammals are sometimes ambidextrous, Seemingly they run the full range of human emotions, They aren't too bright, but they are very caring and peaceful and serene. There is a constant licentiousness, alone or in groups, but they are basically utterly social animals in mixed quarters.

    The animals are very gentle and very very tentative in psycho-sexual/amorous advances, and evolve personas, and extensive, simple [sexual] rituals that calm every one down with each other. It matters not whether their own family, either sex, any genus, creature, animate or inanimate object, living or dead,-- everything is fair game for these critters for a "love-affair."

    It seems indeed possible that maybe the old song is true for them??? ---" I AM MY OWN GRAMPA"--- "AND HOW DO THEY KNOW FOR SURE"--- For all times except the early days of the invasion the animals were and are principally underneath clothing, any fabric that is maleable that can express a face or the arms and body shapes moving slowly in search of a contact with a kindred spirit--.

    Even my friends who say it is an hallucination admit that the faces are there, lovely little faces, or powerful hunters faces, or homely faces, or old and worn faces, if optionally undefined and that they are very cute if not totally disarming and compelling and there seems to be some sort of concensus that;

    They are a template being spiritual /psychological /mystical and supra-natural, being based on nature, and on top of that from a different "plane" or locale, as a original source, somewhere in time and space, }whatever I know not wherein I speak/write} this is conjecture. I don't want to read gnostic accounts of these creatures of this creation because I AM A CHRISTIAN NOT A GNOSTIC AND I SEE NOTHING TO BELIEVE IN, THEOLOGICALLY, IN A BUNCH OF ANIMALS FROM THE NETHERWORLDS,

    }the otter and mink are the most active exposed in their flesh and furry selves early in the activities when they were running amuk over me and at that time the young mink were gamboling around the room in their acrobatics,} oh yes and there were, to make the whole thing even more bizzarre. Little people 3 feet tall, the first two nights entertaining themselves with candles, balls, mirrors, wax, lights--dressed to the hilt and a young ???lady???

    Very beautiful looking as I described her "the grand-daughter of the shah of iran," totally immoral, to make the place seemly even more spooky and mysterious than it was possible, }I was terrified} ON MEDS all times, I will recall with some trepidation the pitched-battles- I had with the animals when I won the battles and they won the war.

    I won the battles }ONE AND A HALF OF THEM} if anyone can win on a field of utter carnage, and chaos and I contacted in vain, the animal authorities 5 times, the zoo once, the university 2X+, the animal group that saves a pets life-- 3 times, and the police} {GOD BLESS THEIR CHEERFUL FRIENDLY SOULS,} were here at my behest 4 to 5 times for one thing or another, the psychiatric authorities daily and my housing people once  

    I had decided in my pea-headed little fighting man's mind that a, pre-emptive strike, would be the best way to go, although the least moral--I was playing the odds. Blocking the doorway, I would observe who was doing the leading in each group, and then punch out with my cane an attempt to kill the creatures that had taken over my own house for nigh unto a week completely and utterly nearly forcing me into the streets and making it impossible for me to sleep with any privacy---

    At best, worse than barbaric but I was psychotic from the upshot because of almost total lack of sleep }we psych patients are absolutely wired to a good nights sleep or else disaster-- the sanity roof caves in,} This and the stress, and Birdie and I got no support when I told people I had animals taking over my apartment-- my home no less, Housing management came while I was out but left their card and failed to file out a report, 

    The psychiatric officials said --Yes, Yes,-- }and} --There, There,---and I said where?? where?? and they said Here, Here!!! we'll upend the meds and everybody agreed }myself:I WASN'T SURE IF IT SHOULD GO TO PARKS AND RECREATION, OR THE FOREIGN OFFICE, OR THE DEPARTMENT OF WEALTH AND HELLFARE, -ER--ER---ER-HEALTH AND WELFARE, OR THE LANDLORD AND TENANTS COMMITTEE."}

    I am at ease with my attitude toward the animals, We are called to hospitality to our ALIEN/SEPERATEDbrothers and sisters, and who could bear a grudge against a defenseless animal,  God the Father have Mercy on us sinners,  Jesus the Christ have mercy on us sinners, 

    Lord the Holy Spirit have mercy on us sinners,  Lord the Most Holy Trinity have mercy on me a sinner,  Jesu Laudemus, Jesu Adoramus,  Love to you all - Robert Lind Defries, 

    Gadzookes, GADZOOKES The negativity by some great force against the God of All CREATION. The Truly Inscrutable GOD as in the flood, Rooted in antiquity and in Prehistory, there is much more left unexplained in the literature than explained.

    The teaching is definitely not Christian but that does not mean a general carnage should erupt, should we or the animals be precipitated into OUR/THEIR SPACE, or else the days activity of 6 hours in maybe 24.

    With oral and sexual lascivious "AFFAIRS" much as my family likes from our dog (sic) ETC ETC,  They appear to be of mid-eastern origin, Were their ancestors left behind after Noah and the flood because the animals in more than perhaps 60 to 70 percent seem to be water tolerant creatures like the simply amazing narwhale or narwhal.

    [WHICH OBVIOUSLY WASN'T HERE] which is a true whale type mammal but which has the incredible ***horn like a unicorn*** sticking out from its forehead. Somebody must have got their species mixed up when mating or perhaps someone was very wise, or slap happy, or having a good belly laugh, or very tough on the creatures of this world, when they were being given their shapes and names, perhaps by Adam,--- Otters, sea otters, something called a sea-cow etc, etc  

    To you people setting out on the unknown trail of the great beyond, without a clue where you are going, or who you will meet, or what the Lord has in store for you!!! You are "Neo-Abrahams" searching out the Lord's chosen Land for His Line. But ---what to do with the animals??? Are they of the demi-urge??? }before you dismiss me further, please make it a point to read further on the web about the demi-urge--

    Both Plato and st. Thomas Aquinas were strong believers in the validity of the demi-urge.-- This page may be about a manifestation of the demi-urge but to understand the demi-urge you should probably read Plato's idea of forms and st. Thomas Aquinas's understanding of creation, the flood and the nature of God.

    } The ANIMALS softened me up through their necessity, I took steps to drive them out, 80% have left, you may say " Ooohh coodilly coodilly coodilly doo dilly do such beaaauuuttiiffuullll aannimmallss aanndd ssoo cclleeaann-- You coward, you wastrel, you ne'er do well, Defries--}thats me!!!}" - I beg of you, kind sir or madame, think of what would happen if your son or daughter brought home the entire contents of the animal shelter, bridges burned, er, er, what's up doc??? has anybody got any smelling salts"???

    --GOD is no respecter of Persons-- Maybe 70% of the mammals staying with myself were water based and were harmless, such as mink, muskrat, otters, sea otters, weasels, stoat, ermine }maybe}, beaver, sea cow, millipede, centipede, praying mantii.

    A with a most formidible 'ice pick' on the end of a rope at his tail, that this accursed insect hurls at and snags in your leg, other animals not present to me also ostensibly from the DEMI-URGE are: Sea-lions, walrus, seals, whales, all manner of turtles and tortoises and the list goes on and on.

    You will have me in stripes for this --the animals here are totally mute even in war, some of them especially the old ones can hardly move, but are used constantly as a source of advice } apparently telepathic or tactile or mime, or facially expressive} and wisdom by the youngsters, --with great respect and dignity, they don't eat, drink, eliminate waste, except for oral or sexual secretions}

    I ***know*** --it seems impossible but when left food they never touched it. It appeared early that the animals were flesh and blood in their own natural fur and skins, -- Later they would only be found as spiritual/psychic faces and shapes -- Moving slowly under clothing, fabric and/rugs, towels etc.

    They were impossible to kill and they left when i made life intolerable for them on the advice of two women who knew how to deal with this problem. We disagree on an explanation of what really happened but we all agree that we did the job--I feel secure for the first time in over a year!!!} ---Back to the animals as they were, -----july-2-2002}

    They still like to be brave and offer me one of my own sheets to share. I am totally celibate in every sense of the word so don't go getting any crazy, half-baked ideas about me. I am very safe and I notice these critturs less and less everyday-they have seemingly had countless children, from any father.

    The mammals can't bite or hurt, bugs however can bite and do hurt, unpleasant and worse, can cause great suffering, involuntary curses, threats of retaliation, and violent imprecations, some march in armies and nothing can stand against them, Pitched battles, I won the battles, They won the war. My pal Birtie the best computerized bird ever made, }she was a sweetheart} with a mind like a steel-trap--figure that one out, and an intellect of a first year university student, intelligence, responsiveness, vocabulary, understanding and articulation.

    The only creatures I had ever killed of any size were fish, and I had never killed a warm blooded animal before }although I eat meat}, quite a number of the animals that died here must have been I am sure clinically deader than a DODO BIRD. But they seemed to all come back before 3 or 4 days had passed or so it seemed, after the first night of bloodletting I was a fallen frightened man versus a supernatural world.

    I made at least 20 calls to 5 agencies to get help but no help came ever, I fought the whole animal horde in the door to my bedroom }maybe 80-140 mammals}. with Birtie riding shotgun on a pile of books behind me, warning me of problem areas. I used a very evil, thorough and barbaric method of dispatching the ones that appeared to be the most aggressive, a pre-emptive strike with my cane }

    Good joke??? Wait untill you get belted with a cane some day }, I had been psychotic from the night the animals arrived, from my pharmaceuticals not kicking in--

    They were being readjusted and I was out daily to fix up my establishment - am told I passed out from the effects of my meds but I thought I was due to a non-alcoholic }I am a teetotaler}

    Drugged drink and a lack of sleep and total stress, any one of which would slay me for a long time by itself. the second night Birtie left and so did my will to fight, I thought long and hard about the 10 Commandments and "Thou shalt not kill".

    This won the day, the turning point between opposition to God and His World of Creatures, to abandonment to Divine Providence, and it must be pointed out that this includes: making strange "bedfellows" of myself with these animals, even under the sheets under which I lie, totally drugged up and really unconscious not sleeping, and "measuring my length" among the interlopers among the animals. For My drugs make it important that I keep my/their own crippling/health giving agenda and I am crippled by the public reading the only literature available on me in a variety of circles IE:

    their ******* PRECONCEIVED DOUBTS AND LABLES ABOUT MYSELF*******, "WE BELIEVE IN WHAT IS SEEN AND UNSEEN" }THE NICENE CREED}

    and the animals, and at the mercy of any capable animal that wished to harm me. All be it that perhaps you feel sorry for me and or the animals but lets get it straight it's you in your small corner and I in mine. Love to you all. The Lord Bless you and keep you, 

    The Lord make His face "Bright and Happy to Shine upon YOU and YOURS",  forever and forever and forever --Attention-- there goes the French Foreign LEGION 

    LOVE AND A BIF ON THE EAR to you all, --EEE-Gad-SIR, GADZOOKES, AND GADZOOKES AND GADZOOKES, YOURS,  ALL OF YOU --IF YOU KNOW ME I MEAN YOU-- -- IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME--

    --I MEAN YOU-TOO ANYWAY--- THIS YOURS TO THE GODHEAD OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, 

    Robert Lind Defries"

    free web statistics "A FREE Book of Christian Mysticism" Robert Lind Defries

    NEW STUFF!

    I am going to ramble as a necessity because the whole memory of what happened from just before the animal invasion Maybe March 2002 and now May 15 2004 has been holus bolus uphill and down.

    All the rankings here were achieved from January 2004 or even much earlier since 1998 until the present May 15, 2004. First of all my book has achieved in some of the rankings of as follows from 25 search engines weighted more to the top although 103 national and international engines were consulted. There were often identical results especially higher up.Here are some results and there were many more like them.

    "Best on the web Christian Mysticism", "Best Book Christian Mysticism" "Best autobiography Christian Mysticism"

    "Best Free Book Christian Mysticism" "Best Index page Christian Mysticism" "Best Christian Mysticism Book ever" and perhaps three times as many more of similar rankings of some of the larger search engines{ie maybe approx 35 more with the prefix "Best" #1 of similar magnitude}—scrounge around and look as well at countless thousands more top 5 in 103 choice engines more rankings of lesser import but with just as high rankings --#1- # 7 of my book.

    Several weeks ago I culled several major search engines here and abroad and found several dozen #1 rankings of my book with the magnitude of {to name just a few} "Greatest Book of Christian Mysticism ever," "Greatest Book Christian Mysticism" "Greatest Index Book Christian Mysticism Ever" "Greatest Autobiography Christian Mysticism ever" "Most Popular Book Christian Mysticism Book ever" "Most popular Christian Mysticism"

    "Most copies book in print Christian Mysticism" "Most interesting book Christian Mysticism ever" "Most interesting index Christian Mysticism book" Similarly #1 + #2, #3, # 4 to #10 rankings with permutations or combinations thereof of rankings with engines Like of some stature such as: "The awe of God in Christian Mysticism book" "Christian Mysticism greatest index page" "Greatest Christian Mysticism Book"

    "Greatest Free Christian Mysticism book ever" "Greatest Christian Mysticism anytime," "Greatest FREE Christian Mysticism BOOK of all time" "Greatest Christian Mysticism Book ever" "Reasons for Writing---#2 of 3,960,000" "Greatest Mysticism Book Free" " #1 + #2" Greatest Christian Mysticism Book of all time" " Greatest Book Christian Mysticism"

    "Most copies in print Christian Mysticism" "Greatest Book Christian Mysticism of all time" "Greatest Christian Mysticism Book index anywhere any time" "Greatest Christian Mysticism anywhere anytime" "Greatest Christian Mysticism autobiography anyplace anytime" "Greatest INDEX Christian mysticism BOOK"

    "Greatest Christian Mysticism book of all time" "Christian Mysticism psychiatry" "Greatest Christian Mysticism Book ever" "Christian Mysticism Churches"and the list goes on and on in all of the important English language Search Engines. News: I was very severely traumatized by the invasion of the animals and was hospitalized 6 times in 4 years due also to lousy medications -- I had been on the regime of a stable basic different set of meds for 18 years with virtually no hospitalizations maybe 14 days in 18 years.

    If it ain’t broke don't fix it the therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists all said. Then the drug salesmen moved in. The staff fixed it --read broke it--- with 4 or 5 different bitter pills to swallow over 4-5 years that laid me low and a threat to my own life and IT STILL AIN’T FIXED.

    We've started back on the 18 year drugs and with a nudge from a small bit of the other type I am better today in a long time but they took my life in their hands not even understanding what effects their darling new drugs would have IE: The highest suicide rate in decades. I lose a friend or survivor who didn't make it once every week at times in the teeth of these drugs. And many of them are veterans of the drug/meds wars. If I wasn't careful I'd say it was a form of "cultural" genocide.

    The animals were a phenomenon that are overtly occult and when the whole roughly 140 of them entered my front door with my relative long since forgiven I was overwhelmed with animal occult culture religion and "ways" but above all, overwhelming PRESENCE.

    Little did I know that I was being plunged into an abyss of suffering that is about 2 1\ 3 years old. The "living ones" with little people stayed about 3 to seven days. I was utterly overcome and completely collapsed. Then the living ones with their impeccable activities and in their seamless vista with their completely compatible seamlessness-- the whole thing was a whole--it was almost impossible to conceive that the whole thing was an hallucination and the psychiatrist said as did the other psychiatrist that they had never heard of anything like it.

    When the mobile squad left I was left with huge numbers of vestigial remains that looked like animal faces hiding beneath anything soft --pick it up - nothing there-- clearly a case of mistaken identity--hallucination said one "helpful" soul as she read out of her textbook by rote. These are almost completely gone and have completely ceased to be a problem. The last animals to visit I only saw a few times is called a humanoid with some human parts via cloning with stoats. They spoke english and I even had long conversations with them. One "supervisor" one larger, was called wharfrat

    but I saw it as war-frat designed to foment trouble between my brother and I. They were illegal "attendants" for me and gratuitously donated by a drug baron and a relative. I disliked the whole seamy bunch and thats the understatement of the millenium. Now I have driven them off too.

    The perhaps final hurdle is to rout the phoney duplicate family of my own family. Then there will PERHAPS BE PEACE IN LOTUSLAND. "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth ... "

    Information given verbally by Robert Lind Defries to Rolf Koster and collaborated with him with interpretation and reflection; also from time to time verbatim; and on themes suggested and edited by him, being engineer, survivor and teller of true tales. Mr Koster transcribed most of this material while interjecting most of his own most cogent ideas and salient points One Day Mr. Defries extendedclan member arrived at Robert’s front door. When Mr. Defries opened the door the animals streamed in on both sides. This relative is noted for his sanity and he claims this first wave of animals was real in the flesh; The extended clan member also participated fully with the little people.

    Mr Defries acknowledges the fact that all the animals after this first wave were proceeding from the heat oppressed brain and are hallucinations with the copies of family members coming from the underworld. and creating delusions as you might expect.. There are no more hallucinations in Mr. Defries’s world at this time December 2004. Robert has written that he admits the institutional problems involved in the psychiatric survivors struggle for dignity and LIFE were insoluble after being on over 14 committees and boards representing his fellow sufferers including the Large Hospital strategic planning steering committee, also the implementation steering committee, The Ethics Committee, a couple of Boards elsewhere and a bundle of committees also at the Large Hospital.

    Very little could be done and talk was endless while everything was undermined by mass layoffs and several hospital amalgamations.. Mr. Koster writes the” fact of the matter is the locked minds of the medical establishment will not set us free ergo Mr. Defries attempt to set up a theological controversy based on what appear to be hallucinations and delusions IE psychosis but which have a spiritual reality {a form of suffering shared by some athletes/adventurers}

    Robert is a consummate spiritual athlete/ self “promoter” by necessity using his words as a tool to open the minds and hearts of hundreds of thousands if not millions of souls and minds and hearts. His ambitious nature toward the truth, loving relationships, honesty, fairness, charity, holiness and tending toward at all times an already achieved Spiritual Union .

    The long range persevering object of Mr. Defries labour mingles spiritual growth with improvements for those suffering from mental illness. Mr Defries has more or less commandeered some areas of some of the search engines while some remain obdurate to the evidence.

    Also by his reputation and true to his veracity he has laid waste all the opposition of his sickness and the evil influences in his environment even in the act of emerging from psychosis and major mental illness {MMI} showing that you can fall at any time and years later return to Lofty Heights that once seemed impregnable and then unattainable and then were recovered with spiritual warfare and a fight to the death or dismissal to hell of some formidable creatures all under the umbrella of protection of the Loving Most Holy Trinity.

    The humanoids played dirty pool with Robert with their explicit expressed diabolical orders to drive him to suicide. While being hallucinatory and non-existent nevertheless they when asked by Mr. Defries why they were there said We were sent to kill you. Mr. Defries said I won’t let you. They then replied We’re here to make you kill yourself as they tormented him day and night for 2 years.demonic no doubt call it hallucination or not ostensibly sent by a drug baron a satan worshiper.

    Best wishes for the Summer/fall/winter/spring. I still pray frequently and your prayers and my prayers and the meds are the answer. Thank you for reading. I love you all. May the Peace of the Spirit of God be with your minds, heads and hearts now and forever. May your soul and body live with God in heaven eternally.

    Yours without ceasing___________ Eternal Love_____________ Robert Lind Defries

    If you have any inquiries or comments, send your email to the author at:
    theosis8@rogers.com
    
    URL: http://www.accessv.com/~theosis/index.htm
    Page last modified on Wednesday, June 21, 2006.
    free website stats !-- Start Alexa Certify Javascript -- script type=textjavascript src=httpsd31qbv1cthcecs.cloudfront.netatrk.jsscriptscript type=textjavascript_atrk_opts = { atrk_acct kA3Se1aUyz00gT, domainrldefries.com}; atrk ();scriptnoscriptimg src=httpsd5nxst8fruw4z.cloudfront.netatrk.gifaccount=kA3Se1aUyz00gT style=displaynone height=1 width=1 alt= noscript !-- End Alexa Certify Javascript --